Sex Triangle
by Ozzy
Summary: Harry wakes up naked in a bed with Tonks and Snape, with no memory of what transpired the previous night. Quirky, with bits of seriousness. NonGraphic. Revised 2007
1. Prologue: Rude Awakenings

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters. I am borrowing all names and concepts and I am not making a profit.

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

A/N: (July 2007, two days before the final book was released) This was posted in 2004, some time before HBP came out. Despite my age atthe time, I regard this as my best fic. I've revised the whole fic, added parts in and trimmed others out. Also minor spelling and grammar changes. Overall it's the same, but it is subtler than before, something I've come to appreciate recently. At the time I finished chapter 6 in 2004 the fic was finished (though that hadn't been my original intention). In the coming weeks I might restart it, might not. If not, it'll probaby never get done. If you have any ideas or thoughts, let me know.

* * *

Harry's head throbbed. He lay where he had awoken for about five minutes, trying to overcome his headache. Why on earth was his head hurting?

Harry slowly became aware that something was amiss. Normally when his internal clock woke him up, the sun was shining directly in his face, only slightly dimmed by the light red and gold curtains that covered the windows of Gryffindor tower. But it was rather dark, wherever he was at present.

He opened his eyes cautiously. He was lying in a cushy bed. The only source of light was from a single window that had heavy black curtains blocking out most of the light.

He heard a soft snoring coming from behind him. He could feel the heat of somebody's breath on his back, tickling his neck and causing his hair to stand on end. Harry tried to turn around, but when he did so he realised that an arm was draped around his waist, clutching him lightly. His bare waist, he realised. He looked under the covers and found himself naked.

"That's not right," Harry thought. "How on earth did I get here? And whose arm is that?"

Deciding that he had to find out, Harry gently grasped the pale arm and pushed it away. It fell lightly beside him, coming to rest just below his upper back. He shifted so that he could see who was behind him, and almost yelped in surprise when he did, but managed to keep it a quiet gasp.

Lying in this bed in this unknown room, with her arm around him, was none other that Nymphadora Tonks. Harry's eyes went as wide as saucers when he saw that the sheet didn't cover her from the waist up, giving him a very good view of her breasts. He couldn't help but stare wide-eyed at them. He'd never seen a real pair before, but he was sure these would be classed as very nice ones. Desire stirred in Harry, and he could feel himself slowly coming to life beneath the quilts.

Something caught Harry's eye from behind Tonks' neon pink hair, and he realised then, with a sense of great foreboding, that it wasn't from Tonks the snoring came.

Heart thundering in his chest, Harry raised his head from the pillow so that he could see who was behind Tonks. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his desire vanished, snuffed out like a candle emersed in water, and his only reaction was to stutter three words.

"Oh. My. God."

Lying there, with his arm around Tonks, was a very naked, very unconscious Serverus Snape.


	2. A Normal Start To The Year

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

* * *

The Hogwarts Express was waiting at platform nine and three quarters when the clock struck five to eleven on September first.

Harry, Hermione and Ron were all on the platform, eagerly waiting to start their sixth year at Hogwarts. Hermione and Ron each adorned shiny golden prefect badges. Both of their respective parents were there to see them off. While the Grangers said goodbye to Hermione, and Molly fussed over Ron and Ginny, Fred and George Weasley pulled Harry aside and talked to him in hushed whispers.

"So Harry, we heard that you've been having girl troubles, eh?" said Fred with an expression that boardered on smugness and pity.

"Not able to perform, huh?" commented George with mock sympathy. Harry glared at them both.

"I suppose Ron told you two huh? Well it's none of you're business how I manage my love life," said Harry, mildly annoyed that they'd go snooping about his affairs. Or lack thereof. Of course everybody knew about what had happened. It was old news by now, surely.

"Wow wow, me man, Harry. Just hang on for a bit," Fred said.

"Yeah, just hear us out man. You got involved with Cho Chang-"

"-For some reason," Fred broke in.

"God knows why. Everybody knew she was nutters."

"She seemed normal enough to me..." trailed off Harry, looking at his feet, disgruntled. Why were they poking fun at him?

"Yeah, well you didn't know her that well."

"Not the way we did, if you get what I mean." Fred winked at Harry and George waggled his eyebrows suggestively with a growing smirk. Harry's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets.

"B-but...when?!" Harry sputtered.

"The last few weeks of your first year. You see, whenever she was happy in a relationship, she'd freak out and break it off for no reason. She denied herself, and no one knows why. It's just a thing she does," said Fred off- handedly.

"And you had the misfortune of getting involved with her. But this year, Harry, this year you are gonna rock the world of all the senior girls at Hogwarts," said George with a great deal of confidence.

"And if you're very lucky, of Professor Sinistra too!" added Fred mischievously. He sucked in a breath and licked his lips. "The body on that woman! Oh yeah!"

"Face ain't great though! Little busted..."

Fred nodded gleefully in agreement. Then he smiled wryly. "Too bad she was born without a sense of humour. Even so, the body makes up for it. All you need is at least one paper bag...Anyway-" he continued.

Harry just looked back and forth between the twins with a look of horror as they rattled on about who'd be great in the sack, all the things that Harry would do that year (in the sack, they kept insinuating), and did it in a manner that would mortify a corpse.

"-And, then, you hide the proverbial sausage, all the while-"

"Just shut up!!!!" yelled Harry. Several people on the platform went silent for a few seconds before resuming their conversations. "You guys, I'm hopeless with girls! I accept that! You should too. I don't need your 'advice'. And besides, it isn't any business of yours."

Fred and George exchanged glances and nodded. They returned to Harry, and got closer. When they spoke now, it was in serious whispers.

"That, our friend, is where you are wrong," said Fred cryptically. Harry eyed them suspiciously.

"Just what are you two getting at." George moved right up to Harry and took his hand in his own, pretending to shake it. When he released it Harry was holding a small, unmarked plastic bottle. Harry rattled it, hearing dozens of pills shuffle around inside. "Medicine? Why are you giving me these? What are they for?"

"This is the latest invention from Weasley Wizarding Wheezes. It's experimental."

"And?" Then it dawned on Harry and a look of understanding came over him. "Wait a minute, is this somehow supposed to get me girls?" Fred nodded enthusiastically.

"Now you're catching on. There's a great deal in it for you if you test it out for us." Harry looked at them absurdly.

"You mean you haven't any idea what its effects are? I won't be your guinea pig! What if something happens like it shrivels up my...my bits and pieces! Or the opposite!?" he exclaimed while furiously motioning with his hands what he meant. They both chuckled quietly.

"Relax mate. We already tested them for side effects. What they do is make you feel sexier and more confident."

"Oh. But if you've already tested them, why do you need me to do it?"

"Because it had no effect on us!" George exclaimed as if it were obvious. Harry stared blankly at them. George sighed and rubbed his forehead. "We already feel so sexy and confident that it didn't have any noticeable effect on us."

"But" Fred began while grinning mischievously. "For someone like you, it could make you a whole new person. For an hour or so at least."

"Hey!" said Harry in response you their jeer. Fred looked a bit guilty.

"Sorry mate. It's just that, well, you haven't had many relationships. Judging by your reaction to most girls, one would swear that you grew up in a cupboard under the...oh, right." They both snickered and Harry shot them a dirty look.

He was about to retort when the train blew its whistle, signalling that it was leaving. Harry panicked when the train pulled away from the platform without him. He didn't want to miss the train again. Not after what happened to him and Ron in second year.

"Run Harry! You can still hop on!" yelled Molly Weasley as Harry sprinted down the tiled pathway, trying his best to catch up with it. Without too much difficulty he managed to hop onto the rear carrage. He grabbed onto a golden railing that framed an open door and let the train carry him away. He could just make out Fred and George yelling something at him. The only word he caught was 'alcohol'. He didn't think about it for long.

He stumbled into the carriage, closing the door behind him, and leaned his back against the wall, trying to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and rested his head.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Potter," came the crisp voice of Malfoy. Of all the cars, why was Malfoy and his cronies in this one? "Obviously thinking that he's so important the train will wait for him. After all, everyone else does what Potter wants. Mudblood Granger, The Weasel. Even the headmaster if Potter complains enough. Next thing you know Scrimgour will make him Order Of Merlin!"

"Go to hell Malfoy," Harry said flatly without moving. "Or better, go visit your father in Azkaban. With that dark mark on your arm I'm sure they'd love to keep you for a while." Malfoy's eyes took on a slightly panicked look.

"How'd you-" He began, but was cut off by a door opening behind him. What he though had been a wall was actually a door to a magically enlarged washroom. He moved away to let the person on the inside come out.

"Eh? Who's there? Oh! Hello Harry! Wots the story? Haven't seen you for a while!" Harry leaned in closer to get a better look at this woman who had stepped out of the washroom.

"Tonks? Is that you?" Harry asked, sounding hopeful. If she was on the Hogwarts express then she could get him out of Malfoy's presence. Tonks looked a bit uncertain. She scratched her head, where a mop of short, silky black hair, not unlike Harry's, had replaced her usual bizarrely coloured hair.

"I don't know Harrikins. It was the last time I checked." Harry would have laughed had she not called him Harrikins. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were all snickering at the pet name.

"Harrikins? So are you meant to be his girlfriend, or his nanny?" taunted Draco.

Tonks looked contemplative for a second, winked at Harry, and then turned around to the three Slytherins. "Bitta both, actually," she declared airily. A light pink blush spread to Harry's cheeks. What was she doing?

Malfoy leaned over to Crabbe and Goyle and whispered "Doesn't she remind you a bit of Loony Lovegood?" causing the two oafs to gawful. He straightened up and brushed a hand over his hair.

"What is a pretty young woman such as you doing with a loser like him?" he asked while pointing at Harry. Then he did something daring. He snaked his arm around Tonks' waist and pulled her close to him, all the while looking at Harry. "When you could be with a pure-blood like me?" A wicked gleam came into his eyes, and he leaned into her ear so that he could languidly whisper to her. "You can spank me if I'm naughty. Of course, what goes around comes around."

Harry closed his eyes as he was expecting her to slap him for his behaviour. But it never came. Instead, Tonks exhaled softly and giggled. "My, my Mr. Malfoy. You certainly are sure of your abilities to woo innocent young girls like me into your-" she glanced down suggestively. "-clutches." Malfoy and Tonks chuckled softly. Harry didn't understand why though.

"Well, I have been told by a number of ladies that I excel at it," Malfoy purred, before moving in to kiss her, but Tonks pulled back.

"Are you sure they just weren't trying to get some Malfoy money? The Malfoy's are, after all, the richest Wizarding family in the world. I heard that you have over a million Galleons in the bank. Or at least you did before the ministry confiscated everything anyway..." Malfoy frowned and released her.

"Maybe you should watch your tongue, Tonks," he spat with disdain. Tonks? That name sounds familiar somehow, thought Draco.

"Come on Harry. Let's get our own carriage. This one feels...poor," suggested Tonks, looking at Malfoy, whose eye twitched. Harry jumped at the idea. The three Slytherins stepped aside and let Harry and Tonks pass. When they shut the door behind them, Malfoy turned to glare at the other Slytherins in the carriage, daring them to comment.

* * *

"What the hell was that!?" demanded Harry as he and Tonks walked towards the far end of the train, to find Hermione and Ron.

"That was me playing around with Malfoy," answered Tonks, who was behind Harry. Harry hoped that none of the other students would pay any attention to what they were saying. "Smarmy asshole. Maybe loosing all his money will teach him something. Might be hoping for a bit much mind you.."

"A bit more than playing! You almost kissed the slimeball! And now he thinks that I'm your boyfriend! It'll be all over the school before the end of the week!"

"He almost kissed me. It's completely different. Besides, I'm a fully trained auror. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. I'm also an adult, and adults have certain urges, Harry. Sexual urges," she said with exaggerated sultriness, trying to get a rise out of him. She knew she was making him uncomfortable and loved it. "And what could be so bad about going out with me? Everyone seems to want to do it" she pouted.

"Nothing," answered Harry stiffly. "It's just that you're, well, like ten years older than me. And an auror." Tonks looked surprised.

"Oh. I would have thought that those would be pluses. Older woman to show you the ropes, and one who has a very good job." Harry stopped and turned around suddenly, almost causing Tonks to bump into him. Harry looked nervous and fidgety under Tonks stare.

"Look, can we just not talk about this. Its embarrassing for me," Harry requested gingerly. Tonks just nodded. They were silent for the rest of walk.

When Harry and Tonks opened the door to the end carriage, they nearly collided with Ron and Hermione, who were just on their way out.

"Harry! There you are. We were beginning to think that you'd missed the train again!" exclaimed Ron.

"I almost did! I had to run for it. Fred and George held me up." His tone darkened. "Then I ran into Malfoy down the other end. Tonks help me out though." Ron and Hermione then recognised Tonks.

"Hi Tonks! I didn't know it was you. I've never seen you with black hair. What are doing here anyway?" asked Hermione curiously. They went into the end carrage, all four of them sitting down around the table, Harry and Tonks facing Ron and Hermione. Tonks was about to answer, but Ron cut her off.

"I think it's a bit obvious, Hermione. She's probably the new DADA teacher. Either that or Harry's new nanny." Harry shot Ron a fierce look.

"And just what do you mean by that Ron?" Harry demanded. What a coincidence that term would be uttered on both sides of the train, both times in a jibe at Harry. Ron furrowed his brow.

"I mean that Dumbledore probably assigned her to make sure you-know-who supporters don't get you. What did you think I meant?" Ron asked curiously. Harry ignored him.

Tonks smiled. "Both, actually. Ten points to Gryffindor for figuring it out!" Ron began to grin.

"Yes, but unfortunately house points can only be awarded or taken away from inside the castle grounds," said Hermione informatively. Ron's face fell.

"Thanks for that one Hermione. Ignorance is bliss, you know. Wait, I suppose you don't."

"And just what is that supposed to mean Ron Weasley!" Hermione asked angrily.

"It means that sometimes people are better off not knowing things!" Those words, though aimed at Hermione, hit Harry hard. He thought of Sirius. If only he and Sirius had been better informed, his godfather would still be alive.

"No, Ron," he said firmly. "Ignorance gets people killed. Just look at-.' Harry couldn't bring himself to say Sirius' name. Ron and Hermione both fell silent. They exchanged a glance.

"We're sorry Harry. We didn't mean it like that," said Ron. Harry gave them both a weak smile and nodded.

"I know you didn't mean anything bad. It's okay." A short silence ensued, which was broken by Hermione.

"So Tonks, tell us how you came by the DADA job. I assume you know its history? You aren't...anxious about it?"

"Anxious? Not at all! It isn't as if it's cursed."

"But it might be!" exclaimed Ron excitedly. "You never know!" Tonks shook her head.

"It's not. Dumbledore checked after the Tri-wizard tournament. And yes, I do know its history. I may only be staying for one year. Maybe not even. It depends on death eater activity. I'm a junior auror, but if it gets too bad I'll be called away from Hogwarts," she explained animatedly.

"A junior auror? But back there you said you were a fully trained auror," said Harry, who was a bit lost. Ron rolled his eyes at Harry's ignorance and filled him in.

"There are four different classes of aurors, Harry. When you sign up you become a trainee auror. After five years of training you become a junior auror. Ten years after you become a junior, you're granted the status of a fully-fledged auror. In order to become a senior auror to have to have special qualifications. I'm not sure what they are. Tonks?" Ron looked at Tonks, expecting her to finish for him.

"To become a senior auror you must have been on the force for at least forty years, you have to excel at everything from muggle studies to astronomy. You even have to be able to cast the imperius curse, and have an ability to perform the dark arts. Further more, you need to have actual battle experience. You could be as powerful as Dumbledore, but if you hadn't ever been in a real fight with a real dark wizard, you couldn't get promoted." Ron's face darkened slightly.

"So it sound like it's tough to get to the top, huh?" he asked, the slightest hint of suspicion in his voice. Tonks nodded vigorously.

"Yeah. But when a senior auror retires, usually around their centennial, they're almost guaranteed to get a very good job in government or in teaching. Oh yeah! All senior aurors are granted Order of Merlin third class," she said almost wistfully. Ron nodded darkly.

"So one might say that you need to be ambitious to become an auror. Does it matter what house you're from?" Tonks raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

"No. But most aurors are Slytherin." Ron gasped, and Harry and Hermione just exchanged sharp glances. "Ok, not most...about half. The other half are Griffinfdor. And the other half are the other two houses and foregin wizards." Tonks said, trying to reassure them.

"Three halves?" said Hermione sardonically with a crass grin. Tonks rolled her eyes dismissively.

"But-but why? What about Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs? Why so few?" asked Ron. Tonks shrugged her shoulders.

"Being an auror is hard work. Lotsa learning and stuff. You'd think that both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw fit these criteria well, but in practice they don't. Being an auror is very dangerous hands on work. Hufflepuffs aren't famous for their bravery, and most Ravenclaws would love the learning aspect of the job, but wouldn't then be too good at the practical part. But Gryffindors are brave and excel at combat, and Slytherins are ambitious enough to overcome all obstacles. There are more Slytherins than Gryffindors because of the ambition aspect. There aren't many jobs that a witch or wizard wouldn't be accepted into if they used to be an auror. Many Slytherins become aurors for a few years, then quit after they pass their training, just so that they can get into another job. Because of this, there are actually more senior aurors that are Gryffindors than there are those in Slytherin. You three look surprised," she pointed out.

Harry grinned sheepishly. "We are. Most of the Slytherins we know are evil." Tonks snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Evil?" she said sceptically. Ron nodded; Hermione remained motionless, while Harry kept grinning.

"Evil," Ron confirmed. "Especially Malfoy." Tonks laughed out loud.

"Malfoy? Evil? Ha!" Ron just looked perplexed. "He may be a shallow, snobby, nasty, horny, devil-may-care kinda bloke, hell, he might even be bad, but he's not evil." Ron slowly shrugged. He could see her point, but he didn't like it. There was several minutes' silence.

"Tonks, what made you say horny?" Ron asked out of the blue. He'd been itching to ask that question since she mentioned the word, but was too nervous to up until now. Tonks got a wicked gleam in her eyes and, sparing a glance at a frantic Harry, proceeded to relay the story of what had happened between her and Malfoy. By the end of it Ron had a look a disbelieving humour about him. Hermione was just shocked.

"But-Tonks, what if Dumbledore finds out? Won't you get into trouble for being so...intimate with a student?" she asked, concerned for Tonks.

"Not to mention a Malfoy! He'll find out you're the DADA teacher sooner or later. What will the school think? You can't keep it a secret...wait, you could! You're a-" He was cut off by Tonks, who covered his mouth with her hand. She glared at him as if to say don't ever mention that. He stopped muffling and was still. Tonks withdrew her hand and sat back in her seat. She fixed her and smiled at Ron to reassure him that she wasn't angry with him.

"Sorry, but some things are private and should not be mentioned, even when I'm not around. You never know who might be listening." Tonks raised her eyebrows impressionably at Ron, who nodded in understanding.

The rest of the journey was uneventful. Luna, Nevill and Ginny ended up joining them to chat for the rest of the trip. Harry learned that Ron had taken all of Harry's stuff on board the train. Harry couldn't believe that it had taken him so long to realise that he had left Hedwig and all his stuff on the platform. At some point, Tonks vanished and wasn't seen again for the rest of the ride.

When the train pulled up to Hogwarts station, Harry could hear the familiar drone of Hagrid saying 'Firs' years over here please'. Harry looked around at all the students, trying to spot some familiar faces. He noted with surprise that he could see over shoulders of most people there. He had grown enough to now be considered one of the tallest boys in the school.

"Was I that short when I was in first year?" He wondered, noting with slight awe that he was at least a foot taller than every one of the first years, and most of the second years. He briefly wondered what it was like for Ron, who was several inches taller than he was.

Harry forgot about it and walked with the rest of the students towards the carriages. He slowed as he approached the Thestrals. One of the leathery, horse-like animals looked him in the eye, recognising him as someone that could see them. He walked up to it and tentatively placed his hand on its neck. When it didn't pull away, he slowly began to stroke it. It snorted after a while and Harry stopped his ministrations.

"What are you doing Harry?" asked a curious voice from behind him. It was Colin Creevey, now a fifth year and Gryffindors prefect.

"I'm petting the Thestral." Colin looked at Harry strangely.

"The what? But there's nothing there Harry!" he exclaimed, understandably unable to see it. A second year girl who was behind Colin was staring right at the Thestrals and shaking with fright.

"H-how can you say that? I can't believe that the headmaster would allow creatures like these to pull the carriages!"

"Thestrals? What are they? And why can't I see them?" asked Colin, bewildered.

"T-Thestrals can only be seen by dark wizards! Why can I see them?! I may be in Slytherin, but I'm not a dark wizard!" said the girl, who Harry though was probably more afraid of being a dark wizard than she was of the beasts themselves.

"Oh no," began Harry in a sympathetic tone. "You're mistaken. Thestrals aren't seen because one is dark. Only people who have witnessed death first hand can see them. Because dark wizards-" he paused, trying to stomach what he was about to say. He firmed his tone and continued more surely. "Because dark wizards kill, they see Thestrals. Because of this, people jump to the wrong conclusions. They're actually very gentle creatures. I can see them because I saw..." he trailed off briefly before proceeding carefully. "You can see them too, which means..." The girl looked at her feet and didn't reply. She muttered a goodbye and strode off, leaving Harry feeling guilty, thinking that he had pried into her private affairs. Colin, seeing Harry's sad expression patted him on the shoulder.

"No worries Harry. She's just a kid. Forget about her."

Just a kid huh? Funny, up until this very moment, Harry would've said the same thing about Colin. Not anymore though.

Just then Ron and Hermione came up to Harry to tell him that they'd secured a carriage for the three of them. Harry waved goodbye to Colin, who hopped into a carriage with his younger brother, Dennis. Harry, Hermione and Ron headed to their carrige and got in. After a few moments the carriages took off for the castle, which was now brightly lit up by the twilight. The last rays of the sun shone from behind the distant highlands. The castle was about two minutes away.

"Hey Hermione, what's that under you're seat?" asked Ron, who spied a very small red light between her and Harry.

"What's what?" she said as she tried to get a better look.

Ron reached forward and grasped it. It came away with little effort. "This." Ron just looked at it perplexed. "And what are these numbers for?" Ron showed it to Hermione, who screamed when she saw it.

"Ron, it's a bomb! And it's gonna explode in thirty seconds!! Quick, throw it out the window!" Ron pushed the window down so fast that he could hear the glass crack. He drew back his throwing arm and tossed it with all his strength, just for it to bounce back.

"The carriage is charmed against it!!!" he exclaimed. Harry grabbed it tried to gently place it outside. His hand was stopped just before it was outside. He pushed with all his strength. The result was that he somehow managed to fly out the window himself. He shouted with fright, thinking he'd fall, as he wasn't holding onto anything except the bomb. With his weight outside, the carriage tipped over to left, throwing it off course, causing Ron and Hermione to be slammed against the wall. Hermione screamed as she tumbled out the window. "HERMIONE!!!" Without thinking, Ron leapt after her, not caring that he had just jumped from the carrige. He could see the world from a birdseye view. About three feet below him was Hermione, seemingly falling in slow motion, a look a pure shock and horror etched into her face. Three hundred feet below her was the lake. They both knew that if she hit the water, every bone in her body would break and she'd die instantly.

Ron managed to grab her hand with one for his, and to wrap his other arm around Harry's legs. Both of Harry's arms were suddenly jerked as the combined weight of both Hermione and Ron was realised. Harry groaned with pain as he carried the weight of the three of them. Ron looked up to see that Harry had both his arms wrapped firmly around the bomb. The bomb was the only thing keeping them from a fatal drop. Due to the charm, it was stuck in mid air right in the middle of the opening.

"Ugh!!" I don't know if I can hold on much longer guys!" cried Harry. The bombs timer now read ten seconds. "I don't know if I should either!" Hermione looked down at the water and then up at the bomb. She had to think fast.

"Harry, you'll have to let go! We could survive the fall if we reduce the area of impact by going into the water feet first!" Hermione called desperately, her voice almost muffled by the chilling wind whistling past. Harry looked down at the water, then to Hermione and Ron, then back at the bomb. The timer read five...four...three...he let go. His breath caught in his throat. He looked down, then heard a large boom and felt a great heat on the back of his head. Ron had let go of his legs and was trying to fall feet first. Harry could see the water. It was getting closer every nanosecond.

Had he been watching, he would have seen the Thestral that had been pulling his carriage swoop down, burning reigns still attached, and skim the surface of the water. It seemed to gallop on the very surface of the lake. All three of them landed on its back with a thud and a groan (especially from Ron and Harry). It carried on as if it had no weight at all. Harry opened his eyes and saw bits of burning debris fall from the sky and disappear beneath the waves.

The Thestral carried them to Hogwarts, where the rest of the school was just stepping from their carriages. Those who saw the explosion spread the word instantly, and suddenly students were crowding around the trio asking them what had happened, praising them and whatnot.

"Stand aside children! Stand aside!" came the sharp voice of Professor McGonagall. When her eyes came to rest on the three of them sitting on the back of the Thestral she looked visibly relieved. She looked stern again. "Okay all of you, inside. Nothing more to see here." The large crowd quickly dispersed and they disappeared behind the doors of the great hall, motivated more by the mouthwatering aroma of the awaiting feast than by the stern witch. McGonagall turned back to the three of them. Ron was just helping Hermione off of the Thestral while Harry stroked its black leathery nose while whispering words of thanks to it. "What on earth happened Mr. Potter? I was standing here awaiting the arrival of the students when all of a sudden I saw the three of you fall out off the carriage. I nearly had a heart attack when you all fell. Then the carriage exploded! I was too far away to help." Harry had never seen McGonagall so flustered.

The three of them explained what had happened. When it was over, McGonagall was chastising them. "You should have been more vigilant! Did you learn nothing in DADA the year before last? Harry, you know that the Dark Lord wants you dead! And Ronald Weasley!" Ron flinched. "You jumped out of the carriage!?"

"But if I didn't, Hermione-"

"No buts, Mr. Weasley! It was extremely reckless." Her face softened. "But it was also extremely brave. For proving that you are indeed worthy of being a Gryffindor, and for saving the life of a fellow student, I award one hundred points to Gryffindor house," she said with a soft smile. All three of their faces lit up.

"Thank you Professor!" exclaimed Ron. He had never been the only one of the group to earn a large number of points.

"Now off you go to the great hall. The sorting will be beginning soon. Ah! Here come the first years now!" The three looked around to see Hagrid lead them up the stairs. He looked extremely distraught, but he broke out in a broad grin when he saw the three of them. He leapt up the stairs and enveloped them all in a great hug, much to McGonagall's quiet amusement.

"Oh 'Arry! Hermione! Ron! I thought you were...I saw a carriage explode, an' I thought 'how many students are there in the school at risk of bein' murdered?'" He released them, and with a look from McGonagall, straightened up. He brushed a tear out of his eye. "What 'appened?" Harry smiled up at his friend.

"We'll tell you later. I think Professor McGonagall wants us to go inside." Hagrid gave McGonagall a disapproving look, clearing thinking that this was important enough to make the sorting ceremony wait a minute more. McGonagall must have agreed because she related the story to him quickly, adding at the end that Ron had earned a hundred points.

"A muggle explosive? This could get worse fellas," Hagrid proclaimed. "A magical explosive can be detected, but a muggle one can't, 'cause there ain't no magic 't detect." McGonagall cleared her throat. "Ahem. Ah...yes. Well, I'm glad to hear that you're safe for now. See you tomorrow then." The three of them said goodbye to Hagrid and walked into the great hall behind the crowd of first years that McGonagall lead, taking their seats at Gryffindor table.

The sorting ceremony went as planned. Harry found that he cared less and less about the new first years each year. He didn't really have any contact at all with anyone below fourth year, except for young Gryffindors who hung out in the common room. Nevertheless, he clapped enthusiastically for each new Gryffindor, and politely for new members of the other three houses, ignoring glares from some people who really didn't like Slytherins. As he did every year, Dumbledore tapped his glass and in seconds there was not a sound uttered. Harry wondered if it was merely the amount of respect her carried that got him such stunning co-operation, or if maybe he had some other means. When he spoke, his voice was just as strong as ever; stronger, indeed, than it had been last year, when he had both Voldemort and the ministry to contend with.

"Second year and up, welcome back. I hope you've all had memorable summers. And first years, welcome, welcome to your new home away from home.

"As you all now know, Voldemort-" there was a great deal of gasping, but not as much as there had been the first time he mentioned the name, at the end of forth year. "-has undeniably returned. My good friend Alastor Moody has suggested that I urge constant vigilance this year. These are darkening times, and we need to work together. United, we stand. Alone, we fall. Therefore, this year points will be awarded generously to students from different houses who work together on assignments, four times as many if it is between Gryffindor and Slytherin." There was some excited whispering at this statement.

"As usual, the Forbidden Forest is both a forest and forbidden. Many things lurk there, not least of which may be dark wizards, giant man-eating spiders, and nettles. Nobody likes nettle stings, and unfortunately there is no remedy; if you get stung, you'll just have to live with it." Some students chuckled, but most whispered about what he had said. Never before had anyone ever revealed to them exactly what was in there.

"Or caretaker Filch has asked me to remind you all that all Weasley Wizarding Wheezes merchandise is banned-" there was a collective groan from most of the school. "Except for after qudditch matches, when certain pre-approved items may be used," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. There was a short cheer. Filch just growled from the wall he was leaning on.

"As most of you already know, there was an explosion in one of the carriages. I assure you all that this is not normal. It has never happened before, and it will never happen again, thanks to magical protection spells I myself will be presently putting on each carrige. Thankfully, no one was injured. Professor McGonagall has told me that Ron Weasley saved the life of fellow prefect Hermione Granger by leaping out of the window in a daring stunt of bravery, the signature quality of Gryffindor house. As of such, he as earned his house one hundred points." There was a massive roar from Gryffindor table and a polite applause from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables. Nothing but glares from Slytherin, though. Ron went completely red as he blushed furiously and tried to hide his face. "May this be incentive for the other houses to work together to earn enough points to catch up, as it will be very difficult to do so otherwise.

"And lastly, I would like to introduce our new defence against the dark arts teacher-" He turned to the door beside the staff table, and the whole school held it's breath. "Nymphadora Tonks." Dumbledore began to clap, and the whole school followed suit. Nobody noticed Malfoy's look of shock. It died down after several seconds when she did not appear. He coughed and repeated himself, starting the clapping up again. It died down when nothing happened. Cursing could be heard from behind the door. "Nymphadora? Is everything alright in there?" Dumbledore asked with amusement.

The door opened and Tonks strode out with her black robes billowing behind her. Her hair was now a deep blue and was tied in a braid that reached down to her lower back.

She smiled and walked over to the staff table. "AH!" She tripped over her long robes as she was climbing the lone stair to her seat and landed flat on her face. She whimpered to herself about how her entrance was ruined. Snape cast an amused grin her way, looking down at her. She glared at him. "Care to help me up Serverus? Believe me, I wouldn't ask, but you're the nearest to me." Snape looked at her hand and sighed. He took it and hoisted her up, a surprising achievement considering he didn't rise from his seat. Tonks gathered as much dignity as she could and sat down between Snape and Flitwick.

"That having been said, I assure you all that she is a competent teacher, and you will learn much from her this year." Seamus Finnigan raised his hand. "Yes Mr. Finnigan?"

"She's not evil is she?" There was a lot of loud laughter at this remark. Not least of which was from Flitwick and Dumbledore. Even McGonagall was chuckling.

"I understand your concerns. No, she is not evil, and I trust her completely. I'm also aware that I trusted the fake Professor Moody in the same way, but I have safely established beyond doubt that this is the real Nymphadora Tonks, and that she is not evil. In fact, she is a talented junior auror, more adept at fighting dark wizards than most of the staff. Now, let the feast begin!"

The food appeared on the plates and everyone ate until they were stuffed. Ron was the hero of the day, and was the centre of attention for once. Harry was glad for his friend, and happy that he could just be on the sidelines.

The feast ended, and it was up to Hermione to show the first year Gryffindors to their dorms. Harry was one of the last people there. He heard loud voices from behind the staff exit. He strode cautiously over to it and put his ear up to it.

"It could even be described as negligence!"

"Please professor, I'm sorry! The bomb wasn't detected by my scans! I-I didn't think about muggle means-"

"As an auror, you should have thought of that! Harry could have died! Not to mention his friends! I'm disappointed in you Nymphadora..." A silence. "No, no I take that back. Nobody thought to check for muggle devices, not even I. I'm sorry. I am reacting so strongly because Harry is dear to me, and I take his safety seriously."

"I understand Albus, I do. I'll make a point of checking for non-magical dangers in future."

"Good. As will I, and the rest of the staff. Perhaps I should take into consideration making muggle studies mandatory? Hmm...this bothers me. Voldemort hates everything about muggles. He also hates hipocrites, so I find it hard to believe he would resort to muggle means to do anything... I will investigate this. If you'll excuse me, I must return to my office and speak to the minister. I will see you tomorrow."

The door opened and Harry jumped back. Dumbledore smiled at him and just walked past. Harry peered into the room. He saw Tonks leaning against the far wall with one hand covering her eyes. Harry moved closer. He could imagine how she must be feeling. Hearing Dumbledore speak so strongly against you was a terrible thing to happen. He wanted to speak to her to let her know he didn't hold her responsible in the slightest. Near as he was, she didn't seem to notice he was there. He got right up in front of her and reached out to tap he shoulder. She chose then to open her eyes and remove her hand. She leapt suddenly in fright, startled to see two green eyes where she expected to find nothing. Her head hit a shelf directly above her very hard. This caused a small cauldron to roll off and fall right on Harry's head with a thud, whereapon it clattered to the floor with a lond clang and rolled away. He swayed side to side briefly before falling forward. Tonks tried to catch him, but was unprepared for his weight, and was knocked backwards. Her head hit the wall and she slumped to the ground with Harry's head laying snugly in her lap, face down.

* * *


	3. Harry 2 point 0

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

* * *

A loud crash came from the behind the door next to the staff table and resounded throughout the great hall. Most of the few people remaining in the great hall took no notice, but Parvati and Padma Patil, who were both sitting at Gryffindor table, had their interest piqued.

"What do you suppose that was?" asked Padma. Parvati shrugged and frowned slightly.

"I dunno, but Harry went in there just a minute ago. Students aren't meant to be in there. I know that if I knocked something over, I'd run away as fast as I could. And hide." Padma smiled at her twin benignly.

"So much for your Gryffindor bravery," joked Padma. Parvati just glared at Padma.

"Harry, on the other hand, would just stand there like a deer about to be hit by the knight bus." Padma looked at her sister as if she was seeing her in a whole different light.

"Just when are you such an expert on Harry Potter? I thought you said you didn't know him that well," accused Parvati's very suspicious sister. Parvati blushed ever so slightly. Padma noticed this and she began to grin incessantly. "Ooh! You like him!"

"Only a little!" said Parvati defensively.

"Well, join his fan club why dontchya?" Parvati blushed harder and poked her two index fingers together.

"I already have. The Gryffindors set one up last year. We were gonna tell Harry, to let him know that he still had supporters, but then we learned he hated being fawned over, so we decided to keep it a secret. We meet in the room of requirement every time we want to think deeply of him. It's become our second common room or sorts." She looked at the ceiling. "We have a shrine," she said off-handedly. Padma mouth the words 'a shrine' while staring at Parvati incredulously.

"And I suppose that this shrine has things belonging to him all over the place? Pictures that Harry doesn't even know exist? I bet you even paid Colin Creevey to get forbidden items and..." She rubbed her temples as if she were getting a vision of sorts. She looked her sister dead in the eye. "...Naked pictures of him in the shower!" Parvati pretended that there was something very interesting in the corner to stare at. Leave it to her Ravenclaw sister to figure out every bit of her scheming in less than thirty seconds. She decided to change the subject.

"Come on, let's go check out that noise. I bet Harry did something stupid." With a little more coaxing from Parvati, Padma got up and proceeded with some speed to the small wooden door. Both their jaws dropped when they saw Harry and Tonks, both of whom were just waking up.

Tonks moaned slightly from the dull throbbing in the back of her head, but this moan of pain could have been easily mistaken for one of pleasure. She tried to recall exactly what had happened. She had hit her head against the wall trying to catch Harry, who was himself passing out when he fell. She could feel a weight further down, pressing into her pelvis. She opened her eyes and found it was not the cauldron, but Harry. He was just waking up too, and he lolled his head in a daze. He must have brushed some sensitive parts, because Tonks gasped shakily. At that exact same moment she looked Parvati right in the eye, and Harry became fully aware of where he was. His eyes widened.

"Ok Harry, this is an understandable mishap. Tonks will surely not make a big deal out of this. Hopefully you can get away with the least possible amount of embarrassment", he thought to himself.

"Uhh...sorry to interrupt. We heard a noise and came to...we'll just...go now," said a shocked Parvati.

"Yeah...we'll let you two get back to...uh...'it'," concluded Padma.

Harry and Tonks looked each other in the eye and began to scramble to stand up. "WAIT!" bellowed Harry desperately. The two stopped and turned to face him. "This is a misunderstanding-"

"We weren't doing anything, per say," broke in Tonks, who was much calmer than Harry.

"You two weren't interrupting anything!" Parvati looked at Harry sceptically.

"Is that so? Because it looked like you were going down on a teacher. On the first night."

"I've known her since the beginning of summer! It's not what you think!" Parvati gave Harry an appraising look.

"I guess it's more than I thought then..." she purred with a devilish grin.

"I don't even like girls that way!" As soon as he'd uttered the words he wished he could take them back. "No, wait! I didn't mean that! I meant I don't like Tonks that way!"

"So you like guys then?" questioned Padma with a knowing smirk, ignoring his defence. Harry just stared at her with a shocked expression. Tonks broke in with something else to embarrass Harry.

"But on the train you said that there wasn't anything wrong with going out with me. So this means you don't like me that way Harrikins? Is there someone else? You were rather pissed off when Draco was flirting with me..." Tonks mused speculatively.

"Malfoy was flirting with you!?" asked an amazed Padma.

"Harry fancies Malfoy!?" cried Parvati. "So the rumours are true..." she finished quietly, but just loud enough for Harry to hear. His attention immediately snapped to her.

"Rumours? What rumours? I don't fancy Malfoy!"

"Bloody hell! Harry fancies Malfoy!?" came a shocked voice from the door. All the shouting had attracted two more people-Ginny- who had spoken-and Susan Bones. Somewhere in the back of Harry's mind, he knew that Tonks and the twins were just playing a cruel joke on him, but when the two uninformed ladies entered the room, it all became much to serious for Harry to cope with. His lower lip began to quiver.

"B-but...not Malfoy! I never! You two!" he pointed at the twins, meaning to say that they were blowing this whole thing out of proportion. He pointed to Tonks. "And you!" Dennis Creevey showed up then with a camera and took a picture.

"Harry, you fancy all three of them, and Malfoy? Just wait until the rest of the school hears about this!" It was all became too surreal Harry to bear. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed on the stone floor in a dead faint. Tonks stood over him and prodded him with her foot.

"Oh dear..."

* * *

When Harry opened his eyes, he recognised instantly that he was in the hospital wing. It was dawn, and the morning shone dimly through the nearby window. He thought back to what happened and just stared ahead in shock. "My social life is over!" he exclaimed in utter despair.

"That, I'm happy to inform you, isn't true." Harry nearly jumped out of his skin when Dumbledore walked out from behind a curtain. Before Harry could utter a peep the old headmaster pushed on. "After your collapse, Nymphadora and the Patil twins explained the situation to all others presents. They all realised it was one big, potentially embarrassing misunderstanding. They agreed to keep that little escapade to themselves, for your sake. Your very lucky to have such compassionate school mates, Harry," he said kindly. Hope sparked in Harry. The despair he had been feeling only moments ago was almost completely gone. Yes, Dumbledore was right, he was very lucky to be surrounded by good people. He decided to thank each one of them for understanding.

"That's good news sir. I'm more than a little relieved." Dumbledore nodded. His tone took on a slightly firmer tone.

"Now, Harry, there are a few things we need to discuss. You need to take up occulmency again." That didn't sound too bad. "With Professor Snape." Shit. "I know that you two had a bit of a...falling out over things that Serverus chose to keep from me."

"I wouldn't say that that really describes what happened."

"But he has already agreed to take you back." Harry fidgeted under Dumbledore's penetrating gaze. He was quite sure that Dumbledore could read his thoughts, but he dared not think it, in case Dumbledore really could. Nevertheless, when one tries not to think of something, they invariably think of it. Harry did his best to but up mental blocks, but he had forgotten most of what he knew. Dumbledore twinkled at him.

"Excellent Harry!" praised Dumbledore. "I see that you have not completely forgotten what you learned." Harry smiled softly at the praise, but then furrowed his brow.

"But sir, why can't you teach me? I mean, I know you must be busy, but with all due respect" he nearly spat the word. "to Professor Snape, I think you'd be a better teacher." Dumbledore nodded in understanding.

"Yes, I can see your point, and also your reluctance to spend more time with Serverus than necessary. But do try to get along. You might have more in common with him than either of you realise," said Dumbledore cryptically, twinkling more than ever as he said it. Harry realised that it was not up for discussion. "Serverus will talk to you some time during the week to arrange lessons. Now, is there anything you can tell me about the incident on the carriage that you didn't mention to Minerva?" He peered at Harry. Harry thought over it thoroughly, but came up with nothing.

"No sir, nothing. I told McGonagall everything. But I do have some questions, if you don't mind," Harry asked in a tone that suggested that Dumbledore had to answer. Of course, both knew that he had to answer nothing, but Dumbledore knew Harry had become a lot surer of himself since he came to Hogwarts, so he didn't mind the tone of Harry's voice. He was even secretly pleased that Harry would be so bold.

"Ask away." Harry silently thanked him.

"Tonks isn't in much trouble, is she? Because I don't hold her responsible at all for what happened." Dumbledore's smile broadened, as he was pleased that Harry was concerned.

"Not much, no. I believe you heard what was said behind closed doors?" Harry flushed with embarrassment. "I was just reminding her to be more careful in future. I don't hold her responsible either. You may be wondering who is responsible, and the truth is I don't know, but it is probably safe to assume that it was one of Voldemorts followers." There was a short silence between them.

"So how many attempts on my life is this now?" joked Harry lightly. Dumbledore's smile became a sad one, and his eyes compassionately bore into Harry's.

"More than a boy your age should have to go though. Now, breakfast will be starting soon. Why don't you run along and get dressed." Dumbledore rose, and casting one final, happy glance at Harry, walked away. Another question sprung up in Harry's mind, and he called after Dumbledore, hoping that the headmaster wasn't yet out of hearing range. There were a few seconds where there was no noise, and Harry assumed that the ageing man had been able to get far enough away, but he surprised Harry when he poked his head around the corner. He stepped into full view so that the doorway framed his tall form. "Did you want something else Harry?" Harry grimaced sheepishly and scratched the back of his head while chuckling nervously.

"Uh, just one more question. Why did the Thestral save us? I mean, I never really took them for the life-saving type."

"I do believe that the Thestral which saved you last night is the same one that you rode to the ministry of magic. It is difficult to befriend them, but if one does manage, the Thestral is fiercely loyal to its friend, and will protect him as such." Harry nodded in understanding.

"Thanks Professor. That's all. Goodbye." Dumbledore twinkled slightly, then strode off without a word.

Harry promptly got up and proceeded to his room where he got changed into his uniform and got his supplies, then headed down to breakfast.

He was dreading it, really. He'd have Ron and Hermione to contend with. He knew instinctively that they'd both demand to know where he had been last night, and then he'd have to tell them and relive those horrible memories. He milled over them, wincing at almost every little detail.

If only I'd had more cop on! If only I hadn't sputtered and said the wrong things, I could have made it away cleanly! What would somebody else have done? What would Fred or George have done?

A wicked revelation came to mind suddenly. "They would have used it to their advantage! What exactly would they have done? I think they'd have made it out that they were...Harry gulped...going down on Tonks. Then they would have tried to get the other twins involved...Jesus Christ! I could never do that! I mean...don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind it, but I'm not smooth enough to pull anything like that off. I'd just stutter and make myself look like a bumbling buffoon," Harry thought to himself.

Harry was suddenly reminded of the bottle that Fred and George and given him. It was still in the pocket of his clothes from yesterday. He'd forgotten he even had it midst the commotion of last night. He morbidly realised that he had a strange curiosity about the little tablets, that they might be the answer to his problems. But he didn't like that fact that he knew very little about them. What kind of effect would they have on him? Would he become a raving lunatic, like someone who had too much firewhisky? Or would they not work at all? He'd never taken any behaviour altering substance before in his life, and he was afraid to start.

Ron and Hermione, who were calling his name from Gryffindor table, interrupted his train of thought. He braced himself and walked over to them. "Hey guys!" They both seemed neither concerned nor surprised to see him.

"We heard about what happened last night," said Hermione curtly. The blood drained from Harry's face.

"But Dumbledore said that that was a secret!" Ron shrugged.

"And like all secrets, the whole school knows about it." Harry began to panic. Seeing this, Ron laughed. "Gotchya!" Harry looked a bit faint. "No, Tonks thought that you'd tell us anyway, so she decided to save you the trouble. Relax mate, your secret is safe! Nobody knows apart from you, me, Hermione, Tonks, Dennis, Susan, Padma, Parvati, Ginny and Dumbledore." Ron listed off the names haughtily, all the while Harry grew fainter. He weakly sat down beside Hermione. Ron was on her other side. He didn't realise until it was too late that he had sat down next to Ginny. He instantly became nervous. He tried to look away, but he instead caught Parvati's gaze from across the table. She smiled at him and Harry began to get a bit hot beneath the collar.

"So, Harry-" Harry froze. Ginny was talking to him in a tone that made him want to become invisible. He looked to his right and found Ginny looking up at him slyly. "I understand that you and Professor Tonks have been...canoodling." Harry went completely rigid.

"I'm not sure what that word means, but I can assure you that we were not doing anything of the sort. I know you're just trying to get a rise out of me, but it makes me uncomfortable, so would you please stop," he got out stiffly. Ginny sighed. He sounded like a robot.

"You're no fun Harry. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother."

Harry did a double take. What the hell did she mean by that?!

Ginny went back to eating and didn't speak to him for the rest of the meal. He slowly became aware that many people were looking at him. Correction, many girls were looking at him. He knew that something was different. Why did they suddenly start looking at him all like that. It wasn't terribly obvious-the odd quick glance, the occasional flick of the eyes-but it was enough to make him very uncomfortable. Some also seemed to be longing looks, others were curious ones, and some were...well, he couldn't quite place it, but it reminded him of how he looked at tender meat when he was hungry. By the end of breakfast, he couldn't stand it any longer. He stopped Hermione as she was getting up to go to class.

"Hermione, do you know why so many girls are looking at me?" he asked uncertainly. Hermione looked around and then back to Harry.

"What do you mean?" Harry looked really edgy.

"Well...I notice that sometimes they flick their eyes to me, then go back to whatever they were doing before. Others just stare for a long time and don't stop until I catch their eye. Then they look embarrassed. I think that some word may have gotten out about last night." It dawned on Hermione what Harry meant. Then she started giggling. Harry became slightly cross, and it showed in his body language. "What the hell is so funny?" She looked at him as if he had just missed the point of a paddy Englishman, paddy Irishman and paddy Scotsman joke.

"Harry, the girls have always looked at you like this. You just haven't noticed until now." Harry's face contorted so that it looked as if he was trying to divide six hundred and six by two and a half.

"What? No they haven't! I think I would have noticed after five years if every girl in the school was staring at me." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Oh really? I think I'll let you figure it out one your own, but I'll give you a hint. Some are just...curious. You are famous after all," she said briskly. Harry sighed and muttered under his breath about it. The conversation ended and he followed Hermione to their first class of the year: defence against the dark arts.

Tonks was no where to be seen. He wondered if she'd gotten lost, but then reminded himself that she had gone to Hogwarts for her education too, so she probably wasn't.

Just as Harry was beginning to feel like this would be a good class, the Slytherins walked in, Draco Malfoy in the lead. Harry groaned. He was going to have to take this class with the Slytherins? Then he brightened, remembering that he excelled at DADA (it was, after all, this class that earned him his only Outstanding OWL), and would have loads of chances to show up Malfoy. He looked over at Malfoy and smirked, imagining casting another patronus on Malfoy, or doing something reminiscent of what happened on the train at the end of last year. Malfoy, seeing Harry smirking at him, made a face. Harry, caught unawares, stalled and had to look away. He could just make out Malfoy chuckling.

About five minutes into Class, the door blew open noisily. Everyone snapped his or her head to see was the commotion was. The impression most of them got was of a dark spectre-like creature of the night, with huge, billowing robes and dark emerald green hair that flowed out and seemed to hang down in large spikes. It struck Harry as being very unlike Tonks. But then again, he supposed, he didn't really know her that well, and he knew better than most that first impressions weren't everything.

She stalked to her desk at the front of the room and slammed her hands down on the desk, causing it to lurch forward, right off the ledge that it was on. It tumbled down and hit the stone floor with a splintering sound. She looked taken aback, but quickly covered up for her blunder.

"That's what'll happen to all of your backbones if even one of you steps out of line in this class! If you all pay attention and work hard, we can get along like peas in a pod. If you mess around and disrespect me, we'll get along like...um...things that don't get along very well!" There was some muffled laughter from all over the class. Even Harry couldn't suppress the laughter, and it came out like a gawful.

Bollocks! I've lost them forever! Tonks cried mentally. Oh well, I'll just have to do my best.

Tonks caught Harry's eye, looking upset. Harry stopped laughing when he realised that she was really nervous and needed support. Her jaw clenched when the laugher didn't die down as fast as she'd expected. She waved her wand and cried "silencio!" and the whole room fell silent, not because people stopped laughing, but because suddenly their voices were gone. The students gradually began to calm down as they realised that there wasn't any point in complaining. Tonks was very pleased that many were looking at her with very impressed looks about them. She lifted the spell and there was some murmuring as students tested their voices. It died down when Tonks began to speak.

"Now, I suggest that you treat me with the respect I deserve. As you can see, I'm no pushover." Harry leaned over to Hermione and whispered in her ear.

"Why is everyone looking at her like she just bench pressed Crabbe and Goyle?" She whispered in his ear the answer.

"Because what she just did was no small feat." Harry looked at her absurdly.

"But it just a silencing spell! I can do those with my eyes closed!" Hermione sighed.

"Really, Harry! You've been living in the wizarding world for over five years!" she admonished. "It's easy enough to cast a spell-any spell-on one person. Most people can cast basic spells on two or three people, but to be able to cast a spell, even one as easy as silencio, on over thirty people is incredible!"

"It is?" Harry asked dumbly. Hermione sighed, exasperated.

"Why do you think Sirius inspired such fear in people? Everybody thought he was powerful enough to fire off a lethal curse that could affect thirteen people!" Harry slowly nodded, finally understanding why people had been so afraid of one man. Harry jumped when Tonks yelled at him.

"Harry Potter! This is class time, not lick your girlfriends ear time," she screamed, a twisted grin threatening to show. Harry went beet red and started to stammer an excuse. Hermione just buried her face in a book, a grin plastered on her face. She thought it was terribly funny the way Harry was reacting. "Yeah Potter, I'm sure you were just 'asking a question.' That's what they all say.

"I know that you've had both incompetent teachers and evil teachers for this class before, and as a result, you are far behind the normal syllabus. Fortunately for you lot, the normal syllabus no longer applies. From here on, all the dark properties of plants that you would normally learn here will be taught in herbology, all the dark potions in potions and so on. Here, you will learn only how to defend yourself and others from dark wizards and witches. It will become a duelling club of sorts. I will teach you about attacking spells, both light and dark magic, and teach you how to counter them. I will teach you how to survive if you are ever trapped in a room with a dark wizard. Remember that these are dark times. I expect you all to take this class very seriously. Your life may one day depend on what you learn here." Tonks' eyes scanned the room to see that everyone was paying attention. Indeed, with the notable exception of Malfoy, who was just looking bored and playing around with some lint on his desk, everyone appeared to be clued to their seats, even hardened Slytherins. She gave the class an approving nod. One of said Slytherins put his hand into the air. "Yes?"

"Do you mean you'll actually be teaching the dark arts?" The class hushed instantly. Someone could have heard a needle drop. Tonks' eyes skimmed the class, reading the intents of certain people. Even Draco was paying attention now.

"Yes. I will be teaching you some dark magic that the headmaster approves the use of, for the purpose of teaching you all to be better able to defend against it." Everybody exchanged glances, some glances of worry or uncertainty, others with excitement or elation. Harry and Ron shared one of worry and uncertainty. Harry turned to Hermione, expecting the same look as the one from Ron, but Hermione didn't look happy. She looked positively euphoric. A great grin was on her face as she bounced in her chair. Tonks noticed this. "Miss Granger, you look especially pleased," she pointed out searchingly. Hermione nodded vigorously.

"Oh yes, I've always wanted to learn more about the dark arts." Typical, thought Harry. That she'd want to learn about them simply because she doesn't know anything about them. "Like why they're considered dark, but why they're not illegal." She quietened down and looked mildly embarrassed. "Sorry, it's just that a learning opportunity like this hasn't ever presented itself to me before." Tonks laughed lightly.

"It's okay. I know that a lot of you must be feeling the same way. Many people wonder why the dark arts are dark arts. Why? I don't suppose that's ever been explained..." The class collectively said no. "Can anyone tell me?" Nobody put up their hand, even Hermione. Tonks was about to go on when Draco slowly lifted his hand high into the air. She looked mildly pleased. "Draco?"

"It's because of the intent of the person casting," he said firmly. The truth was, the reason he didn't answer at first was because he was too embarrassed to. He had tried to kiss her on the train. He really was going to as well. Even now, he couldn't help but admire her. Not only for her looks, but also for her standing. She was so young, and yet she was an auror. She was powerful enough to silence the whole class. His father was only other person he had ever seen display such power.

"Correct. Five points to Slytherin. It was the intent! Charms, Jinxes, Hexes and other light magic don't take into account emotional intent. If you concentrate hard enough and cast the spell correctly, it works. Their effectiveness depends not primarily on how powerful you are, but on how well you concentrate, and how well you wave your wand. Dark magic and curses on the other hand, vary depending on one's intent. Of course, wand waving, power and concentration also play major roles, but intent is what makes the difference between an effective curse and a devastating curse. Has anyone here ever cast Locomotor Mortis on another person?" Several hands went into the air, including Hermione's "This, believe it or not, is dark magic. Also known as the leglocker curse, it binds the legs together." There were a few gasps. "You!" she pointed at Blaise Zabini, who had his hand raised. "Tell us your story." He stood up and cleared his throat.

"Once last year, Goyle stole some food that I had, uh...appropriated" Ron and Harry flashed knowing grins. "And he can run surprisingly fast when he wants to,' he continued, glaring at Goyle the whole time. Goyle just pretended not to notice. "So I cast Locomotor Mortis on him, and he fell down. It took six hours for it to wear off."

"You must have really wanted it to work. Were you surprised at how effective it was?" asked Tonks, clearly asking questions that supported her intentions point. Blaise nodded.

"Yeah. I'd never cast it before. I expected it to maybe make him run like his legs were stuck together with something really sticky, but they wouldn't budge from place. I was pretty angry when I cast it. Is the reason it worked so well because I really wanted it to work?" Tonks nodded and Blaise smiled cheerfully then sat down.

"Hermione? You also had your hand up?" Hermione rose.

"Yes. I didn't cast Locomotor Mortis, but I did cast Petrificus Totalus, which is similar. It's the full body bind. It worked, but only for a short while. I think now that that's because I didn't really want to cast it, but I needed to. I can do it better now. I cast it in my first year." She sat back down. Ron wondered if she knew how she sounded when she spoke like that. She didn't even need to include the fact that it had been in first year that she'd cast it! She just did that to try and impress other people. It pissed Ron off because it worked. Everybody was looking at Hermione like they'd seen her in a whole new light, except Neville, who was glaring at her. Ron didn't blame him. After all, he was the one on whom spell had been cast. Tonks clapped her hands together.

"Now, the legality of the dark arts has been questioned by Hermione." Tonks looked around slyly. "The dark arts are not banned. You may practice them freely, as there is nothing in the law that says you can't. I won't lie to you about them. Here at school most dark arts material has been removed to the restricted section in the library. The reason it isn't taught is because most people don't use the dark arts in everyday life, unlike charms and transfiguration, which generally become essential to most wizards. If one wants to learn the dark arts, all you need to do is take a trip to Knockturn Ally, buy some books, then go home and practice. Even the three unforgivable curses are legal." There were murmurs of surprise. "It's only the casting of dark magic on another human being that carries penalties. Although I think anyone who practices the Cruciatus curse on animals should be punished. Sadly, this happens more than most people realise. According to intelligence gathered by the ministry over the last decade, it is believed that one in four people has at least attempted an unforgivable curse at one point in their lives, probably on an insect or rodent." The class was by now in a shocked silence. One in four!? People started to look accusingly at their neighbours, though more than a few eyes landed on Draco, who somehow managed to glare them all off. Tonks let the commotion die down.

"I find the lack of penalties wrong, even it is only an insect. After all, for the Cruciatus curse to be effective, one must want to cause pain, and anyone who wishes to cause that much to anything is sick. Parkinson!" Tonks suddenly yelled. Pansy jumped quite suddenly. "I want you to cast Cruciatus on me!" There was a collective gasp and everyone started talking. It was unthinkable! Is she crazy?! "I'm telling you, cast it!"

"B-but Professor! I-I-I...it's unforgivable! I can't-won't do it!" Tonks relaxed and smiled at the class.

"You see everybody? She doesn't want to. So much so that she refuses! Even if she pointed her wand at me and yelled Crucio as loud as she could, it wouldn't work at all. Of all the dark magic in the world, no spells require more intent in order to work than the three unforgivables. Hence why they are unforgivable. Class is over for now. This was just an introduction, real class starts tomorrow. Come prepared. You may all leave." The class filtered out until Tonks was alone.

She let out a shaky breath and sat down in her chair. "Wingardium Leviosa," she uttered, pointing her wand at her desk. It floated up and over the step before settling right in front of her. She folded her arms across the desk and rested her head on them. "That was hard."

"I think you did a fine job." Tonks screamed and jumped up, hit her knees on the mahogany desk, fell back down with the pain, missed her chair, and landed flat on her bum. She whimpered when she slammed into the cold stone floor. "Both of teaching, and of showing the Gryffindors that not all Slytherins would leap at the chance to cast an unforgivable." Tonks turned to see behind her.

"Bloody hell Dumbledore!! You scared me half to death!" She took his proffered hand and got back to her feet, rubbing her backside soothingly. She turned an accusing glare to him. "You were eavesdropping on my lesson!" Dumbledore twinkled.

"More than that. I was sitting with the students." Tonks gaped. "Invisible, of course. I was a bit worried when your desk nearly hit me, but a simple disillusionment spell made none of you aware that I stopped the desk in mid air for several seconds while I moved to the back of the class for safety," he said jovially, peering at her over the tops of his half-moon classes.

"Sorry," she mumbled, deeply embarrassed. "I didn't mean for that to happen. You-you really liked the lesson?" she asked hopefully. Dumbledore smiled down at her from his impressive height.

"Yes. You certainly managed to capture their attention better than anyone apart from possibly Professor Snape. Speaking of which..." Tonks blushed.

"Yeah, I was kinda mimicking his entrance. It was going great at first, until the desk..." Dumbledore chuckled.

"I think, Nymphadora, that you should be yourself. The students will like you no matter how you act. It isn't in you to be mean or terribly strict. But I was not talking about your entrance when I mentioned Serverus. I understand that you expressed an interest in learning legilimens and occulmency." Tonks nodded. "Well, it just so happens that there is a private class here where it is taught. Harry is learning it as well. Are you still interested?"

"Yes sir! I tried to get training, but my boss said that he knew of no one who could teach me. Even the senior aurors didn't have the skill. And the teacher is...?" Dumbledore smiled at her more than her was before.

"Serverus Snape." Tonks didn't look very surprised, but still quite impressed. She moved her hand to her chest.

"Snape? But he's so young! I heard it took decades of training to learn enough for it to be effective!" Dumbledore nodded. When he spoke again, he couldn't keep the pride out of his voice.

"That is true for most people. It took me thirty years before I could say safely that I had it down, but Serverus is quite simply the most brilliant occulmency master I have ever seen. Quite possibly the greatest who ever lived. In just a few short years, he had blown right past Voldemort. It isn't long now before even my skills at the art won't compare with his. It is becoming more and more difficult every day to read his thoughts. He has even been able to read mine." Seeing Tonks' disbelieving face, he elaborated. "It is sort of a game we play to keep each other's skills sharp. We tell a personal story of ours to the other, leaving out critical plot elements, and we then must delve into the others' mind when we least expect it, trying to figure out what really happened, or how it ended, or something along those lines. So far the score is twelve-three in my favour, but I haven't won a game in over a year." Tonks laughed. "Mm, yes. Well, he'll inform you when and where to meet at his own discretion. Harry will be pleasantly surprised to learn that he'll not be alone. There is a great deal of animosity between the two, which I fear won't abate for some time." Tonks' next class began to stream in. "Cherry-o Nymphadora, and have a good class," Dumbledore finished merrily as he exited through the door.

* * *

It was lunchtime, and most of the residents of Hogwarts were outside, basking in the lovely early autumn sun. It was only a mater of weeks, maybe even days, before the weather turned chilly. This far north frost would appear by October, and wouldn't disappear until April. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna and Neville were sitting in a circle in the courtyard, talking. They had finished their lunch as quickly as possible so that they could go outside. I wouldn't be this nice again until next summer.

Apparently some time over the summer Neville and Luna had started going out. Neville was still very nervous about showing her affection in public, but Luna kept on trying to get closer to him. Eventually, she gave up being subtle and leapt into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck for support. Ron and Hermione started teasing them and eventually the four of them were wrestling on the grass. Harry didn't feel comfortable with that kind of physical contact. He refused to join in, even when they all asked him to.

Harry walked away and leaned on the castle wall, near the gateway, where he watched them. He longed to be with them, but he was simply too embarrassed. What if he accidentally touched Hermione or Luna in an inappropriate place? It never occurred to him that that might have been half the fun of it.

"Harry! There you are!" It was Parvati. "I've been meaning to talk to you since last night." Harry gulped. He turned to face her.

"Yeah? What about it? Oh yeah, I've been meaning to thank you for keeping it silent. It really means a lot that you didn't go telling everyone. I have enough attention as it is." Parvati smiled at him.

"No problem. I'm sure you'd do the same for me." Harry nodded. She bit her lower lip, as if debating with herself. "When I saw you with Tonks, it made me think. I know that nothing actually happened, but I thought for a moment that you weren't as shy as you seem on the outside. It made me realise something about myself." Harry didn't like where this was going. He started to sweat. She looked into his eyes, seemingly getting lost in them. "I've...liked you, Harry Potter, for quite some time. Ever since you set up Dumbledore's Army. I was wondering if...if you'd...that is, if you would like to..." she sighed and took a deep breath. "Oh, fuck it." She stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. She tried to push her tongue into his mouth, but his teeth were clamped firmly shut. When he didn't respond after a few seconds she pulled away. Harry look like someone had cast the petrificus totalus spell on him. He wasn't even breathing. Parvati's eyes darted from one of his to the other. "Well, I mean if you don't like me, then no harm done. We can just forget about this," she said quickly. Harry drew a breath.

"It's n-not that I don't l-like you. I'm just...um...uh...don't really...not sure..." he stammered. He didn't think he could make the situation any worse. He was wrong. "Cho Chang," he said. He meant to say 'It didn't really work with Cho Chang'. Not that that would have been a good thing to say, but it was better than just her name. Parvati glared at him.

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not Cho Chang," she spat the name. "But I thought that you...oh, forget it!!!" she shouted. She stormed off, yelling obscenities at anyone that got in her way. Harry felt mildly sick to his stomach. He looked back at his friends, who were only just stopping their brawl. He was sick of this! He hated being the shy little guy who was afraid of women! He was six feet tall! He was sexy! He was famous for Merlin's sake! He was going to try those confidence boosts Fred and George had given him, then he was going to talk to Parvati and apologise.

By nine in the evening, all his homework was done, and he was in his room getting his clothes ready for the next day. After he laid them all out, he went through the pockets of his other robes, finding the little glass bottle. He opened it up and poured out one pill. It was small and shiny. It seemed to glow faintly. Taking a deep breath, he popped it in his mouth. It tasted like oranges. He swallowed it, but felt no different. He waited several minutes, but felt nothing at all. He decided to have a shower before he went to see Parvati. He had been sweating a lot today. Just as he was heading, he took another pill, thinking that maybe you needed more than one for them to work. He sure wished he had asked the twins about them instead of complaining about his privacy.

Harry finished his shower and put on his silk pyjamas. They hardly looked like pyjamas, seeming to be emerald green dress robes. He checked the common room, but found only her other dorm mates.

She would be the only girl who isn't out here, wouldn't she?

Harry went upstairs and headed into the girl's dorms. He wasn't sure which room was hers, so he just looked around for her. He was about to give up and go look for her elsewhere when a hidden door opened right behind him. He twirled around and let out a surprised yelp, then looked away, embarrassed. It was Parvati, in a towel, having just come from the showers, which were magically charmed so that boys couldn't get in.

"Harry! What the hell are you doing here!" she demanded shrilly. Harry raised his hands, as if doing so would get her to hear him out.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, but I wanted to talk to you." She sighed, exasperated.

"Fine. What is it?" Harry looked up, trying to avoid her chest. He didn't do a very good job of it. He couldn't help but imagine her (presumably) tanned nipples pressed against the rough fabric of a towel. It was rather tight on her, as it crushed her breasts upwards, so that there was quite a lot to see. He looked into her eyes.

"The way I acted today when you kissed me was...well, pathetic." He suddenly wished he had actually thought out what he was going to say. "I need you to understand that I wasn't comparing you to Cho. I was actually trying to say that I was afraid of relationships because of how my one with Cho worked out. I'm sorry. I was wondering if...well, if you'd like to give me a second chance?" Harry couldn't believe he'd said that without stuttering. It was perfect! And it came from right off the top of his head!

Parvati look pleasantly surprised. She'd never expected him to say something like that. She looked to the side, thinking. She made up her mind rather quickly. She came up right in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Even under the influence of the pills, Harry still started to get a bit nervous, but not so much so that it seriously impaired his ability to flirt. "Of course you can have a second chance. But only if you kiss me without hesitation." Harry did just that. For a long time.

"Harry!" Crap. It was Hermione. Harry looked at her, trying not to catch her eye. But she was smiling. Well, that can't be a bad thing...

Actually, it was Parvati who was the more embarrassed of the two, but she did a good job of hiding it. "Sorry Hermione. I know I shouldn't be kissing Harry in a towel in the hall," she said guiltily, and a little too loudly, for even before she finished, Lavender and Ginny showed up, getting a good view of her with her arms around Harry's neck. Ginny began to cackle and wiggle her fingers.

"Oh! I'm telling everyone! This is just too good not to share!" Ginny cried. Harry didn't even try to stop her. He knew it would be pointless to try, as she was already bounding down the stairs to the common room to spread the news. Harry disengaged Parvati.

"Well, it's getting late Parvati. I think I'll go to bed. G'night." He bent over and kissed her chastely on the lips, then strutted to his own room and went to bed. Some time before he fell asleep he grew anxious over what he had done. He tried not the ruin the happy feeling he had and stopped thinking about it. Shortly after he drifted off.

* * *


	4. Mischief Managed

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

* * *

"Well, it's getting late Parvati. I think I'll go to bed. G'night." He bent over and kissed her chastely on the lips, then strutted to his own room and went to bed. Some time before he fell asleep he grew anxious over what he had done. He tried not the ruin the happy feeling he had and stopped thinking about it. Shortly after he drifted off.

* * *

The Burrow, mid June.

"Hermione? You in there?" called Ron as he knocked on the bathroom door. He could hear the shower running, and he wondered if she could hear him at all. He knocked again, louder, and the water was shut off. There was a shuffling. The door opened, and Ginny poked her head out. Her hair was plastered down her back and Ron could see the steam rising off her. Having grown up with each other, both were completely comfortable and not in the least bit self-conscious. "Oh, sorry Gin. I thought Hermione was in there. Do you know where she is?" Ginny shook her head.

"Nope. Sorry. Bye." She shut the door and moments later the shower went on again. Ron shrugged and walked off, but just as he was turning the corner he could have sworn he heard Ginny giggle. He paused, and hearing muffled sounds coming from the bathroom, returned to investigate. He pressed his ear to the door.

"Ohhhhh...like that. That feels so good. Oh. Oh. Ugh." He continued to hear noises like this. With no end in sight, he pulled away. Bloody hell!! She's got a guy in there! he thought. He walked down to the kitchen with his eyes wide open in shock and his mouth agape. He sat down at the kitchen table and thought over what he had heard. He had, until now, always thought of his sister as an innocent little girl with a crush on Harry. The revelation that she was up there (probably) shagging some guy came as a great surprise. Surprise quickly turned to jealously, as it would with most guys. He was still a virgin! And yet his younger sister was having the time of her life with someone! And who knew how long she'd been at it? Maybe months? Years even! He glared at the clock on the wall, and flinched when he saw that Ginny's hand was on shower. She was doing it with some guy in the shower! He brooded for several minutes, and resolved to find Hermione, as she was the only thing that might distract him.

His mother walked into the kitchen, said hello, and got on to cleaning. "Hey mam, have you seen Hermione?"

"She's in the shower, dear," she called over her shoulder. Ron rolled his eyes.

"No, Ginny's-" Ron broke off as realisation came over him. It took him several minutes to grasp the concept. He was shell shocked. "Holy fuck," he whispered.

"Language Ron Weasley!" scolded his mother crossly.

Ron spent the rest of the holidays spying on the two girls, trying to catch them in the act, but not once after the shower incident did he find any evidence to support his assumptions. Hermione even had her own room while she was staying with the Weasleys. By the time it was time to go back to school, he was actually sick and tired of trying to find out what had happened. He reasoned that perhaps it wasn't Hermione in with Ginny, and that his mother was simply mistaken. Or that maybe it was a one-time thing, and meant nothing.

If it had been any other girls he knew, he would have thought it cool beyond belief, but the fact that it was his sister and the girl that he thought he loved spoiled it. What if Hermione likes my sister more than me? Ron would constantly wonder...

...Just as he was wondering now, as he paced the Gryffindor common room. When he had rescued Hermione from falling to her death, he realised just how much he cared for her. The look she had given him was one of pure love. Or at least that's what he wanted to think. When they had landed on the thestral Hermione had her arms tightly around Ron, and her face buried in his hair. The look she had given him when he helped her down from the winged beast made him want to propose to her then and there.

And now that both his other friends, Neville and Harry, were seeing people, he felt that the time was right to tell Hermione how he felt about her.

Ron gathered his courage and made his way to the girl's dorms. He knew where Hermione's room was, as he had seen it once on the marauders map. He knocked, and the door opened a second later. Hermione looked surprised, but invited him in nonetheless. He sat down on the bed, but leapt up as soon as he did, thinking that such a gesture might be coming on too strong. He started to pace.

"Hey Hermione." His palms began to sweat.

"Hey Ron," she replied lightly. She tiled her head to the side. "Is there something the matter?" she asked, detecting his anxiety.

"No. Well, yeah But no too. First I want to ask you a question that I've been wondering for ages. Ever since you and Ginny were in the bathroom together," Ron managed to get out nervously. He was risking a lot on this gamble. If it turned out that Hermione really wasn't there, then he'd be written off as a pervert. On the other hand, if she really were, he'd be written off as a peeping tom, and a pervert. He scrutinised her expression very closely, and noticed her swallow nervously.

"How do you know about that?" she asked wearily. Ron could have jumped for joy. So she really had been in there! Ron told her how he had been looking for her, and of the noises he heard, and of all his suspicions.

Hermione was thinking about what Ron's inquiry could mean. In fact, she had been testing out a back rub charm on Ginny that she had invented herself. She was deeply amused at the conclusions that Ron had jumped to. And a little confused. At one point, she thought that Ron had liked her, but as time went on and the years passed without Ron asking her out, she had assumed that she had been mistaken. And here he was formulating theories that she was gay? Or at least bi. She didn't quite get it. Then a thought struck her.

"What if he wants me to be that way? But why? Maybe so that he can fool around with me and show off the his friends, while at the same time not having to commit...hmm, that actually sounds like fun. But what about the consequences? Well, there's no taboo about girl-girl relationships at Hogwarts. Everybody knows about Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson, and how they shared a bed ever since their fourth year, and about Pansy Parkinson and...well, everybody in Slytherin. But what about my dignity? Well, I wouldn't feel like I was degrading myself...isn't that what counts?

Hermione mentally laughed wickedly. She was going to play a game, and she was going to enjoy it. "Oh don't worry, Ron. What your sister and I did was a one-time thing. No strings attached. She was feeling a little lonely and I was feeling a little lonely, so we...well, you were listening." Rons jaw nearly hit the floor and he started coughing on a breath that he'd swallowed. He hadn't expected her to say that.

"How-how..." he sputtered.

"What, how long have I known that I liked girls?" Ron nodded meekly. "Let me think," she pondered while looking around the room in mock concentration. "I'd say ever since second year. Moaning Myrtle helped me to understand myself."

"But...you went out with Krum!" Hermione waved the thought away.

"That's because he was famous. Same with Lockheart. Sit down, Ron, your pacing is throwing me off." Ron carefully sat on the bed. Hermione sat next to him. Ron shifted uncomfortably.

"You're not bi, are you?" he asked hopefully, strongly hinting that he wanted her to be.

"Nope," Hermione said candidly.

"Not even a little?"

"Well...maybe a little. I'd still do stuff with guys if I wanted to make them happy. Why?" she asked innocently. Ron couldn't utter a word, he was so shocked. Though not as shocked as he'd soon be. If her appearance reflected her mood, she'd have red skin, horns and a forked tail, and she'd be cackling while chasing first years around the castle grounds with a pitchfork. "Oh!" she exclaimed, a look of realisation dawning on her. "You want me to...well, why didn't you say so?" She leaned over to Ron for what he expected to be a kiss, which was shocking enough, but there weren't words to describe what he felt when she went lower than his face and began to undo his trousers. She grabbed him down there, and he leapt right off the bed and out of her reach.

"Hermione! What are you doing!? This isn't like you!" Hermione looked slightly unsure of herself, but only for a second. She got up and pursued Ron until his back was against the wall. "I-I don't want to do anything with you that you don't want to do!" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"And who says I don't want to do this?" Ron couldn't believe what was happening. He even considered that she might be under the imperius curse. She continued with her work on his trousers.

"Hermione, you may want to, but I don't want to use you for my own pleas- ahh...Ohh..." His protests quickly died away.

* * *

Harry woke up to the harsh glare of the early morning sun shining right in his eyes. He hated this time of year for only one reason, and that was that the sun was at an angle in the sky where it was intensely bright at this time of morning. And he also had the worst bed. Dean, Neville and Seamus didn't have his problem, as their beds were in the shade, never receiving direct sun light.

He rubbed his eyes and got up, wincing when his bare feet hit the cold stone floor. He went about doing the things he did every morning: Washing his teeth, showering, casting the shaving spell and getting his uniform on. And as always, he did it as if he were a zombie, sometimes stumbling and always yawning, his cold muscles aching as he forced them to move. Then he remembered that he had a girlfriend now, and remembering her in her towel, one of his muscles moved on it's own. He looked down at it and grinned.

"I have a girlfriend now," he thought. "Who is it again??? Parvati!" He whistled out loud. "And what a girlfriend! I mean she's-"

"Hot, outgoing, and pretty brainy as well!" Harry heard the rambunctious voices of Seamus and Dean as they walked into the bathroom. Harry scrambled make his manhood less noticeable beneath his towel. It was at half-mast and refused to go down. When the two best friends spotted Harry, they started cheering.

"Aw'right Harry! We heard about you an' Parvati! Well done mate!"

"Yeah! So what's the story? How'd yeh do it? Going out with her is the life long ambition of many, many people. We always figured you to be too quiet to land a girl at all! Except maybe Hermione, but everyone knows that Ron's fancied her for years. Too bad she turned out to be a carpet muncher, eh?"

"A what?" Harry asked, perplexed. Seamus was from Dublin, and Harry always had a hard time figuring out what his slang meant, but he'd never heard the term carpet muncher before. Somehow, he knew deep down what it meant, and he thought that it didn't suit Hermione.

"A lezzo. One who prefers sushi to sausage." Harry shook his head, trying to expel the bizarre mental image of Hermione covered in said foods.

"No. Not Hermione. She doesn't like girls." Seamus shrugged.

"That's not what Ron said."

"Oh he did, did he?" Harry inquired crossly. Harry didn't like Ron spreading such rumours. Something like that could really hurt Hermione if she found out.

"Yeah. He said that he had gone to ask her out, but she said that she didn't like lads. I don't see why it took a half-hour, though. He told us last night when we were going to bed. You were asleep by then."

Harry went from being thick at Ron to being angry with Hermione. How could she lie to Ron like that? Did she even know exactly how much he cared about her? He could only care more than ever after she spent the summer with him. Harry couldn't go, because he had to remain with the Dursleys. If he didn't, the magic protecting him from Voldemort when he wasn't at Hogwarts would fade. Harry began to wonder if they had some kind of falling out, and that maybe now they were having goes at one another. "Well," Harry thought, "I guess I'll have to get to the bottom of this. I can't stand their bickering! I should also do my best to put down those rumours about Hermione."

"Well you know what you guys?" Harry said speculatively. "I think Ron is just being a nasty prat, saying those things about Hermione. There isn't any evidence to go on except Ron's word." Dean and Seamus exchanged glances, each agreeing with Harry. "And as for me getting with Parvati, it's no big deal. I mean, it didn't seem like anything special when I went to the Yule Ball with Padma."

"Hoho! No big deal, he says Seamus!" Harry thought that Seamus looked like he was about to burst into a speech. He wasn't wrong. Seamus put his arm around Harry's shoulder, much to Harry's discontent. He was still...engorged, and if he was caught in such a state when a guys' arm was draped across his bare shoulder...well, lets just say it wouldn't be good.

"Harry, there are three reasons why going out with Parvati IS a big deal. One," he counted off on his fingers. "It's you." Harry made a face. "Now I don't mean dat in a bad way. But you're Harry Potter. With you, everyting is a big deal." Harry's spirits dropped. He hadn't thought of that, and it certainly did mean that it would be a big deal. "Two: Parvati is a prize. She has high cheekbones, long silky black hair, the most perfect face of anyone in the school, and she's bright. She's ethnic too, which is a plus in many ways. People have discussion groups about her and what she's doing. If she goes out wit anyone, everybody knows about it. And turdly, you went out with her sister!"

"Only for one night!" said Harry. Seamus chuckled. "We didn't even kiss!"

"It was enough. You see, whenever somebody goes out with somebody and their twin, they get a kind of staus'. Yeh know, 'look at how smooth I am. I've been wit both of them!' What it means is that people will now look on you as if you're dis ultra-cool fella whose only boundaries are your own preferences."

"Or for some people, you're this debauched, immoral person who thinks with his dick. Of course, there aren't many wizards who still think like that nowadays, but there are some."

It took Harry some time for this to sink in, as he'd never though of himself as even remotely cool. But then again maybe you don't need to be cool to attract ladies? He thought back to the stares of all the girls in the great hall. They liked him. But that was probably because they were fans. But Colin Creevey had told him about the conquests of Gene Simmons, front man of the muggle band Kiss. Hadn't Colin mentioned that Gene had slept with thousands of his fans? Harry flushed fiercely at the very thought of sleeping with that many women. But it also got him thinking. Could he actually turn out like that? Was it possible? Well, obviously not quite like that. But if Harry wanted, could he rock the worlds of the senior girls, as Fred and George had put it? The very though of it mollified him. He quivered at it.

* * *

Before lunch that day the news of himself and Parvati being a couple had spread throughout the school. Harry got more attention than ever before, if it was possible. In the corridors people whom he didn't even know would congratulate him on his "extraordinary accomplishment". Seamus and Dean even tried to organise a party in the Gryffindor common room, but they were unable to procure any firewhisky, so they called it off, saying it wouldn't be any fun without it.

Of course, not everybody was for it. More than a few people who Harry had gotten along with before started casting him dark looks and talking about him behind his back when they thought he wasn't within ear shot. Harry couldn't understand it at first, but Parvati soon explained that those who were giving him the cold shoulder were particularly strong admirers of hers, and that they did the exact same thing to whomever she was seeing. She assured him that it was nothing personal, and that it would stop after a few weeks.

Of course, the Slytherins gave Harry the hardest time of all. The guys would spread rumours that Harry liked members of the same sex (which Harry really hated, not because people really believed them, or because he thought it was sick, but simply because it struck a chord; he didn't like to recall the tension he'd felt last time he'd been accused of such a thing), while the girls would try to get him into a compromising position in public, claiming that they liked what Harry did to them last night or that they wanted to know when they could meet again. While Harry hated these tactics, Parvati didn't seem to mind them at all. She kept telling Harry to ignore them, and that she didn't believe he would ever cheat on her. One night when Harry was pondering this, he started to think that she said that because she didn't believe he could get another girl. Harry couldn't say weather this bothered him or not. His opinion seemed to vary with his mood, and nowadays, his mood varied with the number and frequency of pills he took.

The more pills he took, the surer of himself he became. When he was sure of himself, he felt like the world was at his disposal, and that while he was fortunate to have a girlfriend like Parvati, he knew that there were more fish in the sea. On the other hand, if he missed a pill, he'd start to get jittery, and he'd begin to think that it was a miracle that Parvati had chosen him. He usually took one pill every few hours, but he'd take two if he and Parvati arranged to meet in the common room for a snogging session. One time he took three, and he felt the oddest sensation come over him. He felt as if he could do anything. He felt that he was a stud. More than that, he felt like a sexual predator. The time he took three, he was alone, so he let his thoughts wander. And wander, they did. To places he had never gone before. Taboo areas that he would normally never think about. He didn't take three again, as he feared he'd over-step a boundary when with his friends, or worse-Parvati.

But the pills, which had brought him so much happiness, were not without their vices. He was caught in the midst of a moral debate. Taking the pills felt wrong, but when he tried to define what was wrong about them, he couldn't come up with anything. And even so, did the good outweigh the bad? Thanks to them he felt more confident. His social life was the better for it. Not to mention that they had gotten him further with a girl than he'd ever been (second base). In the end, he chose to be indecisive, resolving to take the pills for as long as he felt he needed them.

Classes went as well as they had ever gone. He had dropped Divination, Astronomy and Ancient Runes for his NEWTs, and had seriously considered dropping Care of Magical Creatures, but elected to keep it sheerly for Hagrids' company. He settled down seriously, studying with every last second of free time he had. Of course, with Parvati for a girlfriend, there wasn't much of it going around. She thought that it was amazing that he wanted to be an auror, and was very enthusiastic about it. So much so that there were times when she wouldn't stop talking about it.

"But you know, there's always the fact that you'd have to work with loads of Slytherins. That wouldn't be too pleasant, would it?" she pondered aloud in defence against the dark arts. Harry glanced over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Draco. Tonks was lecturing on cutting spells, and demonstrating by slicing a cake. She then went on to demonstrate a more powerful version of the same spell. Unfortunately, as she cast it she tripped over her robes, and put too much power behind it. What was meant to leave a scratch on the floor ended up being a giant, ravine-like wound that stretched from the floor all the way up the back wall and onto the ceiling, making it seem as if someone had sliced the room with a giant axe.

"Err...are we all grand? No limbs severed? Good. Sorry about that. Well, now that we've got that covered, we'll learn how to block it. Only after we've learned to block it will we learn how to cast the spell itself." There was several seconds of shocked silence before the class got back to normal. Mishaps were becoming a normal occurrence in DADA, and Tonks was earning a reputation. It wasn't uncommon for Tonks to be a topic of discussion at night in the common room, or during meals in the great hall.

"No," Harry admitted, shaking his head. "Not too pleasant at all. But then again, maybe I'll work alone? Or with Gryffindors?" Parvati shrugged.

"Who knows? I think you should ask Tonks how she works."

"I think she sometimes shares assignments with Kingsley Shacklebolt...but not always. I wonder what house he was in?"

"Who's that? And how would you know who she works with?" Harry wasn't sure why she asked that for a few seconds before he realised that she'd never met Kingsley, and that to her Tonks was no more than the new DADA teacher.

"Never mind. Lets get try to get through this class without being sliced in two."

The week went on like all weeks. The classes were okay (except for potions, obviously). Harry joked with his friends, snogged with his girlfriend, sometimes did more than that, and sometimes less. On Thursday Snape approached him with the timetable for occulmency training. The lessons ran on only Sundays, and for just a half-hour. Snape said that he was very busy and didn't have time to do it on any other day. Harry didn't believe him, but wasn't about to complain.

On Friday night Professor McGonagall put up a notice in the Gryffindor common room saying that there'd be a Hogsmeade visit the next afternoon. Parvati instantly suggested that Harry go on a date with her. Harry was reluctant at first, mostly because he hadn't had much luck in the past with Hogsmeade dates, but after Parvati licked his ear and promised him he wouldn't regret it, he couldn't refuse.

Meanwhile, Harry had been keeping a very close eye on Ron and Hermione. Of course, it was now common knowledge that she liked girls. It seemed strange to Harry, and to all the muggleborns, but the people who had grown up in the wizarding world didn't even bat an eye. Even Malfoy hadn't said anything about it. Harry expected him to use it against her, but he didn't. In fact, Malfoy approved, saying that now she wouldn't risk polluting the blood of the wizarding race. Harry hardly thought this was better, of course, but Malfoy said it in a way that suggested that he truly believed it, and wasn't saying it just to be hurtful. Harry once asked him why he hated muggleborns so much. He thought he knew what the answer was, but wanted to hear it from Malfoys own mouth.

"I wouldn't have a problem with them if they kept to themselves, and only shagged other muggleborns or half bloods, but when they foul the line of a pureblood, the wizarding world looses a bit more of what makes it different from filth. Back in the days when my family were new, there were so many purebloods around you'd just assume that everyone else was a pureblood. Anything less was an abomination. Today, I could count all of the truly pure-blooded families on my fingers." Harry didn't expect anything else to be said.

When Harry asked Hermione if she was really gay, she pulled him into an empty classroom. "Right. Well, you see Harry, the thing about that is, I'm not."

"I don't get you," Harry replied quickly.

"It's all a joke." Harry blinked.

"A joke?" Harry asked.

"A joke," Hermione confirmed.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"So that I can do stuff with guy without commitment."

"Guy? Only one? Who?"

"None of your business."

"But what about Ron?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. She wasn't about to mention that Ron was said guy.

"What about Ron?" she fired back. Harry shook his head in disbelief and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Hermione, this isn't like you! You're not yourself lately. What's the matter?" She glanced at both his hands, gripping her by the shoulders, then scoffed.

"Neither are you, mister melodramatic." Harry suddenly felt very cliché, and he released her. "You've been very different recently. Ever since you started going out with Parvati." Harry looked like a child caught stealing sweets.

"You noticed, huh? I've just been trying to impress her." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Yes I noticed. So did everybody else. Harry, if Parvati can't like you for who you are, then you shouldn't be with her. It isn't fair on either of you. Having a phoney relationship isn't worth it." Even as Hermione said this she felt like she was talking out her ass. She was such a hypocrite! She didn't even know why she said it. She certainly wasn't going to follow her own advice. Yet still she went on. "I mean, are you truly happy with her?" Harry look at her incredulously.

"Yes!"

"Truly happy?"

"...Yes!" Hermione looked dumbfounded. "And since when are you the expert on relationships anyway!? I mean, I'm not saying I love her, I don't, but I'm as happy as can be. When I get tired of her, I'll break up with her."

"That's disgusting!"

"But it's true! It's the same for her! Neither of us is under the illusion that we're gonna get married some day. It's just a fling!"

"Oh, so you don't really care about her?"

"Well, no. Not really. I care about her in so far as I'd care for someone I knew but wasn't really that close to. Not the way I care about Ron or you. I mean, did you really care for Krum?"

"Well I..." "Damn! He's got you there!" she thought angrily "Alright. I see what you mean. Sorry for being such a harpy." Harry smiled warmly at her.

"It's alright. Hug?" Hermione obliged. "Kiss? On the cheek?" Hermione gave him a funny look, but kissed him on the cheek. Harry gave her a tight- lipped look, as if he were holding something back.

"What?"

"Nothing." Hermione eyed him for a moment longer before suggesting they leave.

* * *

So far, Harry was really enjoying his visit to Hogsmeade. He had woken up that morning feeling giddy with excitement. He met Parvati in the library finishing off her homework for the weekend so that she'd be free. Harry had done most of his the previous night. Even though he was now doing NEWT level subjects, he didn't have much more homework than last year, thanks entirely to Snape being too busy to correct a half-mile of parchment every day. Harry suspected that he was on order business.

Even so, Parvati wasn't done until nearly three (she claimed she'd slept in until noon), and Hogsmeade visits ended at five this time of year. It took them another half-hour to actually get from the castle to the Three Broomsticks. When they went inside they were greeted with a jolly atmosphere. The place was packed with students and residents of the town. Some students had gotten hold of spirits and were quite obviously drunk, thought they tried to hide it for fear of a teacher seeing them. Harry smiled.

"Come on Parvati, let's go check out the snugs, see if anybody we know got one." Parvati nodded affirmatively. It wasn't a great task, as there were only four snugs in the pub. Harry walked over to one in the far corner and knocked on the frosted glass in the old wooden door, then opened it. Inside were a bunch of third years he didn't know. He excused himself and went to the next one, which was just to the side of the entrance. In that one, and the one directly across from it, were old people who were long time customers. The fourth and final snug was on the first floor, at the end of the balcony that overlooked the rest of the pub. Inside were Lavender, Padma, Susan, Dean and Seamus.

As soon as Harry opened the door he was keenly aware that the thick smoke wasn't from cigarettes. "Uhh...hey guys! What're you all doing?"

"Aw'right 'Arry, Parvati! What's the craic?" asked Seamus merrily. There were loads of empty butterbeer glasses all over the table in the centre of the tiny room. This snug was unlike the other three in that it had a closed roof. The others were just short walls that didn't even reach the ceiling.

"What on earth have you guys been smoking?" asked Harry with a slight grimace. As soon as he asked this all the others burst out into fits of giggles.

"Honestly Harry," began Dean between his laughs. "You're so naïve! Here, have some!" He handed Harry a pipe that was smoking slightly at the end. Harry took it nervously. "I thought you smoked it in a cigarette?"

"Yeah, but we didn't have any fags, and they only sell ever-lasting ones in this place, and they aren't much good for what we needed them for, so we just did it without them. Now go on, inhale!" Harry did so and began to cough uncontrollably. He quickly handed the pipe back.

"I'm good, thanks," he choked. He coughed some more. "In fact, I think I'll leave you guys to it. See you later. Unless you want to stay Parvati?"

"No, I'm okay. I don't really like smoking anyway. It burns my throat." Parvati left and Harry moved to follow her, but Dean called him back.

"Harry, take this!" he produced a bottle of fire whisky that was about half full and tossed it to Harry. "Maybe you can still have that party to celebrate, eh?"

"Dean!" Harry admonished, but with a grin on his face he couldn't hide. Left and went downstairs with Parvati and together they sat at the bar.

"Ohh!!!! Firewhisky! Where'd you get that?" Parvati inquired enthusiastically.

"Dean gave it to me. So that we could "party" together," answered Harry wryly. Parvati gave him a very coy look. She ordered two butterbeers and paid for them. She took the firewhisky from Harry and poured in about three thimbles into each glass. They drank deeply and they drank often.

At some point McGonagall came in and told everybody that it was time to go back to the castle. Harry and Parvati laughed when they saw McGonagall march the smokers in the upper room out the front door, admonishing them. "You know perfectly well that mind-altering substances other than butterbeer are allowed only to people aged seventeen or over!"

Harry and Parvati got up a bit shakily and left. "I didn't know butterbeer was alcoholic. I've never gotten drunk off it before," commented Harry. The world was very different now than it had been when they arrived. Even though it was getting cold, Harry felt perfectly warm. In fact, he was positively buzzing.

"Well, that's because it's very weak. Only one per cent. But we've drunk most of the firewhisky, and that stuff is seventy per cent, so it levelled out! It's all good! Now, onward!" she pointed dramatically at the castle, which was blocking out the sun, low on the horizon, but letting the deep orange rays past, making the place seem unimaginably beautiful. She swayed a bit then began to walk in exaggerated strides. "Come on Harry! Let's go home! Look, isn't it wonderful!"

"Yeah, it is. But not as wonderful as you, my sweet." She stared at him with a loving expression, though it quickly changed to once of mock distaste.

"You're starting to sound like Filch! My sweet? That what he says to his bloody awful cat!" Harry looked horrified.

"Oh my god, you're right!" He started doing a Filch impression that had Parvati nearly rolling on the grass in mirth. "Back in the day they used to chain students to the walls by their ankles, and by Merlin's beard, if I had my way, you'd be the first in fetters!" Harry then began to chase her with a pretend whip, saying how he was going to punish her.

When they reached the grassy courtyard Parvati stumbled and fell over. Harry dropped down on top of her. "Gotchya!" Parvati purred.

"So, mister Potter. Are you gonna tie me up now? Are you gonna punish me?" She raised her arms above her head, and Harry pinned them down with one of his hands. He was taken aback at first, but decided he liked this fantasy. He leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. He forced his tongue into her mouth and they shared a passionate kiss which lasted for some time.

"Yes miss Patil; I am going to punish you." He bent over and started to kiss her neck, biting every now and then, sometimes hard enough to elicit a gasp of pain.

"That hurts...do it harder! Oh, yes. That's nice. Harry, let's go somewhere else. Somewhere there's no risk of being seen." Harry looked up, thinking where they might go. Seeing the astronomy tower he had an idea.

"Accio firebolt!!" he cried. Several seconds later his broom came flying towards him. He grabbed it and mounted it. He held out his hand to Parvati and helped her on. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he shot into the air. Parvati screamed in excitement.

"Shit! I dropped the firewhisky!" Harry winked at her, then dove for it. She screamed at the top of her lungs as Harry plunged downward towards the lake. He caught the bottle when it was just inches from the water, then pulled up. He took a swig then handed it to Parvati, who drained it of its contents, then threw it into the lake, where it slowly filled with water and disappeared beneath the surface. Harry flew up to the astronomy tower and landed on the battlements. Parvati hopped off, and stumbled over as soon as she hit the ground. She started laughing.

"That was so much fun! I've never gone that fast on a broom before? I have a shooting star. It's utterly crap!"

"So you enjoyed riding with me then?" Harry asked offhandedly. Parvati stopped laughing. She stared at him seriously.

"I wouldn't know. I've never ridden you." Harry said nothing. It was dark already, and he was keenly aware of what she was thinking. She got up, stumbled over to him and kissed him passionately. She then whispered in his ear, "But we can change that, can't we?" The smell of alcohol was rather strong. A though of dread suddenly occurred in Harry's mind. What if she's too drunk!? He couldn't (and wouldn't) have sex with anyone who was hardly there.

"I'd like to, but I think you've had too much to drink." Damn! Damn damn damn damn damn damn!!!!! "Why do I always have to be the good guy?! Why can't I be Draco Malfoy for once? I can't believe I just said that. Yuck! But this is what I've dreamed of ever since I turned twelve! It was every boy wants! Nooooo!!!"

Parvati gave him a look that implied she was trying her best to process what he had just said. "Don't-don't-don't be ridiculous! Bah! Too much! What a thought! Why, I don't even...umm...what was I talking about again?"

"Umm..."

"And who are you anyway? Why am I up here?"

"What!?" She groaned with laughter.

"I'm only playing with you Harry. Honestly Harry, you've never drunk before, have you?" Harry shook his head. "Look, I may be drunk, but I'm not wasted. Look, I can even stand on one foot! Okay, not for long, but the point is I'm not out of my mind. See? I can make coherent sentences. Now, allow me to lead the way..."

* * *

"Now, allow me to lead the way..."

"Where are you taking us?" asked Tonks. "It was a Hogsmeade day today. You know how all the students somehow manage to get drink and drugs, and then come back to the castle to get off with each other. There'll hardly be a corner where you can teach me Legilimens, Serverus. You can't even use your office since you let the Slytherins play with your potions."

"They are not "playing" as you put it. They are doing my work for me. You know how overloaded I am. I see no harm in letting the seniors prepare my lessons. It will keep them sharp for their exams. And of course I know of the shinanigance that the students get up to on days like this. I was once a student here you know," Snape said to Tonks, who was walking briskly beside him, trying to keep up with him, for he was several inches taller than she was and had much longer legs.

"Yeah, but from what I hear, you spent most of your time brooding, not with girls," Tonks teased. Snape stopped abruptly and whirled around to face her.

"I'll thank you not to ridicule me, Nymphadora. I'll remind you that the only reason I'm helping you is because nobody else can." He resumed his speedy pace, taking the stairs quickly.

"Oh chill out Serverus. You know you were my favourite teacher. Of course, you haven't changed a bit, apart from the fact that you're narkier than ever." Tonks was having to take the steps two at a time to keep up with him.

"Just as you were my least favourite pupil. You haven't changed a bit either, other than the fact that you fall over more than ever," Snape said flatly, bit with a hidden grin that Tonks couldn't see.

"Do not! Ahh!!! Help!" Snape turned around to see that Tonks had fallen through once of the disappearing steps in her haste. Snape rolled his eyes and grasped her hand. He pulled her out with such strength that she nearly lost her balance. "I'm just rusty, I swear. That never happened to me before..."

"I'm sure." Snape continued on his path. There was a short silence, which was broken by Tonks.

"Nobody else can. Is that the only reason you're helping me?" Snape didn't reply. "Bloody 'ell! Wait for me!!!" cried Tonks, who was several seconds behind Snape. He stopped and waited for her. "Thanks. I'm surprised you actually stopped!"

"I didn't stop for you. I stopped because we're here."

"Pshh. Figures. I should've known you wouldn't stop for poor old Tonks." Snape ignored her and opened the door to the room of requirement. Unfortunately, it remained a broom closet. He closed it, closed his eyes, and then opened it again. It was still a broom closet.

"That isn't right. Here, you try." Tonks did so, envisioning a room to practice in. But when she opened the door, it was just a broom closet. "Blasted thing! Open!" Snape demanded furiously.

"It doesn't work anymore. Not since Umbridge de-enchanted it," came the grumpy voice of Filch, who was coming up the stairs to put his mop away.

"What!?"

"It was being used for rule-breaking. So I suggested she de-enchant it. Took a whole bunch of professionals to get it done. But it's done now." Snape grabbed Filch by the scruff of his neck and shoved him against the wall.

"You would DARE to destroy the ancient enchantments of this castle, which were laid down by the founders themselves!?" he spat in disgust. "Does Dumbledore know?"

"I don't think so," wheezed the caretaker. Snape released him.

"Well then, I would suggest that you find him, and tell him what you did, and have it reversed! It may seem like a small matter, but every enchantment in this castle is interdependent in some way or another! If too many are removed, it could even affect the disapperation barrier! Then the Dark Lord could come and go as he pleases! FOOL!" Filch was stunned.

"Of-of course! I had no idea! I'll go straight to him! So sorry Professor!" Snape smirked as Filch hobbled away.

"Serverus, is that true? Could the wards really fail?" asked Tonks, who was very concerned. Snape shrugged.

"I don't know. Only the headmaster knows the specifics of the enchantments on the school." Tonks was amazed.

"So you were just buzzin' offa 'is 'ead."

"If you wish to put it that way. And do try to sound respectable."

"Sorry. I fink, damn, I mean I think being in the company of friends brings out the eastender in me. I feel so fake when I put on my posh accent, you know what I'm sayin'? The only reason I do it is because your bloody Slytherins would get me booted out of here if they thought I was too low born. Even though I'm not."

"Yes, they would get you fired," he said in agreement. "Even your relation to the Blacks wouldn't help you. Although now that Lucious is off the board of Hogwarts governors, the aristocracy have lost a lot of power here. If he hadn't been caught, he may have been able to keep Dumbledore from returning. You consider me a friend?" Snape asked in a quick change of subject. He looked at Tonks piercingly as he said that. She winced under his gaze.

"Well, more like a friendly acquaintance. Occasional acquaintance. Cold acquaintance. How about archenemy? No, that's James and Sirius. Oh, I know!" She looked him dead in the eye. "I'm the one that got away," she said flirtatiously.

"Hardly." Snape started to fiddle with is wand. He coughed and looked slightly flustered (at least as much as Snape possibly could). "I'm about to suggest something very out of character, and regardless of your answer, you're never to speak of it to another person."

"Deal."

"I have a small bit of free time tonight. Would you care to accompany me to Hogsmeade for a drink, instead of tonight's lesson. I suppose I could teach you tomorrow at the same time as Potter." He spat the word Potter.

"Well, I think that is a fine idea. Remember the last time we went for a jar together?"

"No."

"Well I wouldn't expect you to remember that night. Somebody spiked your brandy with absinthe."

"I don't remember. Which calls into question whether the whole event actually happened."

"Hmm...Did it actually happen, or is just a product of my crazy brain?" pondered Tonks with a discreet tap of the chin. "I'd have to say a little bit of both."

"What year did this event supposedly take place?" Snape asked after a moment's deliberation.

"Nineteen eighty seven."

"Are you sure? I could swear I have some missing memories from eighty two." Tonks shrugged, then leaned against a wall.

"Time flies when you're-"

"Having fun?" Snape cut her off. "Hardly." Tonks just smiled and continued unabated.

"Glaring at the wall in your dungeon."

"I know exact how many cracks there are in the twenty second brick from the ground," Snape said distantly. Tonks chuckled half-heartedly.

"You really need to get a life." Snape didn't say anything. He just stood stock still, staring at the pictures and the moving staircases. Tonks hung her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that..." She caught his eye. There was a long silence between the two. Tonks couldn't stand it. "So, you still up for those drinks?" she asked hopefully, though she had a nagging suspicion that he wasn't. Snape took a deep breath as if to clear his head.

"Yes. Many, many drinks."

"Well if you buy more than you can drink, I'll cover for you."

"How much money do you have with you?" Tonks checked her pockets and pulled out a small handful of change.

"Umm...one galleon, three sickles and five knuts."

"That won't be enough. It's okay, I'll just put everything on my tab." Tonks smiled cheekily at him and held out her arm.

"Lead the way." Snape shifted his gaze back and forth between her outstretched arm and her expectant expression, before reluctantly taking it. Even though Tonks had said lead the way, she started to drag Snape along he chosen path. They had hardly begun to move when Snape suddenly went ridged. Tonks was still latched onto his arm, and was jerked backwards. She tried to pull forwards, but he hardly budged. "What is it?"

"SHH!!!" Tonks repeated her question in a whisper. Snape said nothing, and kept listening fiercely for a noise that Tonks couldn't detect. He slowly started to move away from the stairs. He came to the t-bend in the hall. Tonks followed him as he made his way deeper into the corridor. "This way!" he whispered. He came to the bottom of a narrow spiral stairway which led up.

"The astronomy tower?" Snape nodded.

"I hear a noise. I'm going to investigate." He started up but Tonks held him back.

"It's probably just some students kissing. I know they shouldn't be up there unsupervised, but can't you just turn a blind eye for once?" Tonks pleaded.

"You're the auror for gods sake! Think! It could be a death eater trying to gain access to the castle," Snape chastised. Tonks looked mollified.

"You're right, I guess. Okay, lets check it out. Wands at the ready!" The pair of them sneaked up the stair until they came to the locked door which gave access to the battlements.

"Alohomora!" Snape hissed, pointing his wand at the brass knob. It clicked open quietly. Snape pushed the door softly and it creaked open. The two professors stepped out under the night sky. The western horizon was a deep purple, while the eastern was as black as coal. Snape could hear panting from just around the back of the doorway. He knew what was going on when he turned around the corner, and was fully prepared to see two students making love. He was not prepared, however, to see Harry Potter making love. He sucked in a breath. He hadn't been noticed. He could either slip away unnoticed, or make Harry regret ever being born. He milled over the second possibility, seriously considering it, but in the end decided discretion was the better part of valour. Besides, he could always blackmail Harry later. He was about to slip away when...

"Wotcher, Harryohmy-GOD!!!!!!"


	5. There And Back Again

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

* * *

For Harry, things seemed to go in slow motion. He heard the tell tale informal greeting by Tonks, in that London slang that he didn't understand. Tonks had caught him! It was the worst thing that could have possibly happened! Now she would tease him, blackmail him, and constantly remind him that she'd caught him doing the bad thing. He shot his gaze in the direction of the voice, and his heart all but stopped. He felt like bursting into tears. He entertained the possibility that his mind might be playing tricks on him; That Tonks was there, but that she looked like Serverus Snape. After all, he was intoxicated. But deep down, he knew it was over. He'd been caught red handed (and almost naked) by his least favourite person in the world. The look he gave Snape and Tonks was one of pure, unadulterated terror.

"Harry!!!!!! So sorry!!! Yep, we'll just be going now, didn't see a thing. Not a thing. Nope. Never. Bye!" Tonks made a dash for the door, but Snape caught her by her cloak and hauled her back.

"Not so fast, Professor Tonks," he said calmly, all the while staring Harry in the eye, a malicious gleam obvious. "Now, you two. Get dressed. I'll see you both in my office tomorrow morning at ten for detention. And fifty points each will be taken from Gryffindor. Furthermore, I shall be informing the headmaster that you were in a locked classroom without supervision, and the broom you used to fly here will be confiscated until further notice. Have a good day." At this, Snape whirled around, summoned Harry's firebolt and stalked off, his cape billowing behind him. Tonks looked back and forth between the two teenagers and Snape, torn between whether to go or stay. In the end, she wordlessly ran after Snape.

* * *

Some hours later in the Gryffindor common room, Harry and Parvati were both raving to each other about what had happened. It was fairly late now, and everybody else was either too tired from the day to remain awake, or they were still somewhere in the castle having fun, not getting caught.

"What bothers me the most isn't the punishment, but the fact that that greasy bastard saw my breasts! Maybe more!"

"I don't know...he was staring at me pretty hard. I doubt he looked at you much." Parvati gave Harry a disgusted look.

"He doesn't...like you, does he?" she asked, horrified at the thought. Harry laughed out loud bitterly.

"Like me? He hates me. He was glaring at me. In fact, I'd be amazed if he ever had a relationship with anyone. I don't see how anybody could stand him!" Parvati giggled despite herself.

"Hey Harry, do you think Snape's a virgin?" Harry shuddered.

"Please, don't even ask me that again. Answering would mean picturing him having...gah! Hideous!"

"And what about Tonks?" she asked seriously. Harry screwed up his face.

"What? No, I wouldn't say so, but why are we talking about this?" Parvati rolled her eyes.

"Get your mind outta the gutter. I meant what do you think she was like?"

"When she caught us? I dunno. I think she was as shocked as the rest of us. Can you believe she said hi to me before she realised what was going on?" Parvati laughed.

"She's amazing. I wonder what she was doing with Snape?"

"Actually, I'd say he was trying to convince her to give him her job." The two laughed. As the laughter died down the pair gazed into each other's eyes. They each leaned in for a tender kiss. When they broke apart Parvati spoke.

"I had fun tonight, considering the circumstances. I wish it didn't have to end." Before she had even finished the last syllable, a truly wicked though crossed Harry's mind. A grin tugged on his lips. Parvati gave him a look.

"What is it?" Harry didn't answer immediately.

"Oh no, it nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Just an idea. It's crazy, and it's extremely risky."

"Try me." Harry deliberated for several seconds.

"Well, you're not to tell anybody this, but I have an invisibility cloak, and I know a secret passage way that leads to the basement in Honeydukes." Parvati grinned wickedly.

"You're not suggesting that we sneak back into Hogsmaede, are you?"

"And get plastered!"

"And finish what we started! Oh Harry it's brilliant! Let's do it! I've always wanted to go on an adventure like the ones you seem to have every month!" Harry moved to go to his bedroom to get his cloak.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I've never gone on an adventure quite like this one! But there's a first time for everything! You wait here a second. I just have a few things to get." Harry ran to his room. He got his cloak, some warm clothes, several galleons, and he took three pills. He took three because he knew he'd need a lot of daring to pull this stunt off. He raced back to the common room and met up with Parvati.

"Wow! Cool...can I see the cloak? Waow! These are really rare! Where'd you get it?" Harry smiled. He sometimes forgot how much of a treat it was for others to see a real invisibility cloak.

"My dad gave it to me. That is to say, it belonged to him when he was alive. Dumbledore gave it to me."

"Dumbledore!? Surely he must have known what you'd use it for!" Harry just nodded benignly. "Wow. Cool. Can we both fit under it?"

"Of course. It's easiest if we put our arms around each other's waists. Stealth is important. But the passage isn't far, so we don't have much to worry about." They got under the cloak and held each other. Harry led the way to the secret passage.

It took them about a half hour to reach Honey Dukes. The shop was closed, but the door wasn't locked, so they just went out that way. Parvati walked one way, but Harry pulled her back.

"No, we can't go into that pub. Someone there is bound to report us. We'll go to the Hogs Head. Less chance of being spotted." Parvati agreed and together they set off. As it turned out, the bar tender had no problem serving them firewhisky, which they both drank quite a lot of.

Meanwhile, over in the three broomsticks, Tonks and Snape had gone out for the drinks. The place as full of the normal Saturday night crowd. Snape had gotten a snug on the ground floor. It was clean, save for the circles of old beer on the table.

"So, Servy, 'nother round?" Snape didn't seem to mind being call such a name, as the only sign that showed he had heard her at all was him re- filling their shot glasses with bourbon.

"I must say Miss Tonks, I'm impressed. All of the other female members of staff would be out cold after eight shots. Except of course for McGonagall." Snape swayed from side to side as he said this.

"You ain't seen nuffin yet." Tonks knocked back her ninth shot, shuddering as the burning liquid scorched her throat. She sank back into he seat and lolled her head to one side. She sighed happily. "This is fun. We should make a habit of this." Snape knocked back his shot and poured another, which he promptly knocked back too, and smiled.

"Looks like I'm one ahead of you now. Care for one more?" Tonks thought hard for several seconds before declining.

"Nah. I've reached me limit. One more I won't be up for it." Snape raised his eyebrows.

"Up for what?" Tonks lolled her head around to face Snape.

"Up for this." She cupped Snape's cheek and kissed him on the mouth. It didn't take long for him to kiss back. Tonks deepened the kiss. They went on like this for several minutes before Tonks broke away. "Let's go back you your room. I've had enough to drink." Snape said nothing, only took her hand and left with her.

Unfortunately for both Harry and Parvati, they didn't stop when they'd had enough. They didn't stop until they'd had too much.

"I don't feel too well Harry," admitted Parvati, with a slur to her words. "I'm a bit dizzy." Harry squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"We're almost back to the castle, I think. That is the cashle, right?" he asked, pointing at Hogwarts. He fell over, and Parvati had to help him up, but she fell over too. It took them a grand total of forty seconds to get back on their feet.

"How mush did you have Harry?" Harry scrunched up his face trying to remember.

"Not too mush. You had more than me. But I can't seem to walk straight and the worldsh spinning." Eventually they got back to the great hall. It was dark and deserted.

"Shit. Harry, I'm gonna pass out. And you can't carry me upstairs. I'm gonna pass out. I'm gonna pass out." She continued her mantra while taking tiny steps in aimless directions. Harry put her arm around his should and vice-versa, and helped her to walk. They wandered around aimlessly for a bit, before going down to the dungeon. About halfway down, Parvati went limp and he had to carry her. He had no idea why he was down here, but why was the farthest thing from his mind. Harry's world was spinning violently now. He knew he was about to pass out too, and the only thing he could think of was to find a room to do it in so that he wouldn't be stumbled upon during the night by Filch, who never seemed to sleep.

He found a door that was slightly ajar. Without a second thought he pushed it open (or rather tried; the first two times he missed and hit the doorframe) and staggered into the room. He set Parvati down none too gently on the cold stone floor, not having consciousness enough to care, or even to truly notice. He saw a bed. He didn't think at all about why the bed was there, but he took off all his clothes, as was habit, and hopped in. He passed out literally a second later.

Little did he suspect that in that very bed was a sleeping Snape and Tonks.


	6. Rude Awakenings II

Title: Sex Triangle

Pairing: HP/NT/SS + HP/others + R/H

Summary: It's Harry's sixth year, and when it begins, Harry thinks it will just be another year of fighting evil and bad things happening. However, when Harry's self-confidence gets a boost (with the help of the Weasley twins), he starts to see life in a whole new light. Of course, being overly confident can land you in a lot of trouble, as Harry learns the hard way. So can accepting help from Fred and George...

* * *

Little did he suspect that in that very bed was a sleeping Snape and Tonks.

* * *

Harry's head throbbed. He lay where he had awoken for about five minutes, trying to overcome his headache. Why on earth was his head hurting? 

Harry slowly became aware that something was amiss. Normally when his internal clock woke him up, the sun was shining directly in his face, only slightly dimmed by the light red and gold curtains that covered the windows of Gryffindor tower. But it was rather dark, wherever he was at present.

He opened his eyes cautiously. He was lying in a cushy bed. The only source of light was from a single window that had heavy black curtains blocking out most of the light.

He heard a soft snoring coming from behind him. He could feel the heat of somebody's breath on his back, tickling his neck and causing his hair to stand on end. Harry tried to turn around, but when he did so he realised that an arm was draped around his waist, clutching him lightly. His bare waist, he realised. He looked under the covers and found himself naked.

"That's not right," Harry thought. "How on earth did I get here? And whose arm is that?"

Deciding that he had to find out, Harry gently grasped the pale arm and pushed it away. It fell lightly beside him, coming to rest just below his upper back. He shifted so that he could see who was behind him, and almost yelped in surprise when he did, but managed to keep it a quiet gasp.

Lying in this bed in this unknown room, with her arm around him, was none other that Nymphadora Tonks. Harry's eyes went as wide as saucers when he saw that the sheet didn't cover her from the waist up, giving him a very good view of her breasts. He couldn't help but stare wide-eyed at them. He'd never seen a real pair before (he'd certainly fondled Parvati's, but never had he seen them), though he was sure these would be classed as very nice ones. Desire stirred in Harry, and he could feel himself slowly coming to life beneath the quilts.

Something caught Harry's eye from behind Tonks' neon pink hair, and he realised then, with a sense of great foreboding, that it wasn't from Tonks the snoring came.

Heart thundering in his chest, Harry raised his head from the pillow so that he could see who was behind Tonks. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his desire vanished, snuffed out like a candle emersed in water, and his only reaction was to stutter three words.

"Oh. My. God."

Lying there, with his arm around Tonks, was a very naked, very unconscious Serverus Snape.

Harry was frozen still in shock. There weren't words to describe how he felt. Shock, horror, foreboding and disgust were all good words, but they didn't quite convey the feelings properly. He also felt deeply confused. He couldn't for the life of him remember how he got there. In fact, he couldn't remember what day it was. As Harry realised this, he sank back into the pillow, too stunned to do much else.

"Lets see...I remember...that there was a Hogsmeade weekend. That was yesterday, right? Since they're always on Saturdays, that means today is probably Sunday. I had arranged to go in with Parvati. I seem to remember somebody giving me a bottle of Firewhisky...that's it. Firewhisky, blank, bed with Tonks and Snape. Probably had a threesome. Oh my god. I couldn't have. It's impossible! I'm a wimp! She's older than me! Snape! Threesome! AHH!!!"

The word reverberated in his mind. It seemed ominous to him. Could his life be over? Maybe he'd died and gone to hell. But if it was hell, then Tonks wouldn't be here...and there'd be no Snape in heaven, so Harry reasoned he must still be alive. What had possessed him to do it? More importantly, what had possessed Tonks and Snape to do it? Why couldn't he remember the previous day? Then it struck him.

"Those bastards!" He hissed quietly. "Those bloody weasels! When I get my hands on them I'll...I'll..." Harry ranting was halted when Tonks muttered something in her sleep.

"Mmm...Harry?" Harry froze. She was waking up! He had to get out of here! Harry scrambled out of the bed, flinching when his bare feet hit the freezing cold stone floor. He struggled to get his trousers on and hadn't ever gotten the button done when the worst case scenario became reality. "Harry!" Harry looked wildly around, his world spinning. He focused on Tonks, who was sitting up with the bed sheet wrapped around her. Her shock quickly turned to anger. "What the HELL are you doing?!" she whispered scathingly, eyes narrowed at Harry. He'd never seen her like this before; and he didn't blame her. He'd be angry too. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He looked around frantically, trying to find some way to escape. Tonks followed his gaze, and saw Parvati on the floor. She leaned over, careful not to let her cleavage fall out, and examined her. "And what the hell is she doing!? You had better pray you have a very good explanation Harry!"

"I-I don't remember!" Harry offered weakly. Tonks glared at him suspiciously,

"My arse! How dare you invade my privacy like this! Did you sleep in the same bloody bed!? When Serverus finds out he'll-" Harry's eyes went wild with fear. He held up his hands defensively.

"NO! Please please PLEASE don't tell him! Tonks, I swear I don't know what's going on!" Snape stirred, and Harry became desperate. He knew his career in Hogwarts would be over if Snape woke up. Tonks looked around at Snape, then back to Harry, eyes narrowed.

"Hmm...alright Harry. If you swear, on our friendship, that you don't know what's going on, I'll help you. But expect some bloody thorough interrogation later, with the headmaster present. You're not off the hook!" Harry nodded frantically.

"Yes, yes! I swear! I'll explain as best I can later. But please!" he motioned to Snape. Tonks gave him an admonishing look and pushed him to the floor. He landed with a painful thud. Tonks jabbed her index finger angrily to under the bed, and Harry got the message. He crawled under the bed, then reached out and dragged Parvati under with him. There was so little room under the bed that his nose brushed the underside of it. He was feeling slightly claustrophobic.

"Good morning Nymphadora. I trust you had a good night's sleep?" Harry heard Snape say sleepily.

"Indeed I did Serverus. Although the sleeping wasn't the best part." Harry only then fully comprehended the implications of waking up with Tonks and Snape. His eyes widened with amazement. Bloody hell, he thought. And here I thought he never got any. But how could she like him? What does she see in him? Harry heard Snape get up. He saw Snape's bare feet touch the floor and watched as he got up and walked around.

"Nymphadora, whose boxers are these?" Shit! Thought Harry and Tonks at the same time. Tonks laughed nervously.

"Mine of course! Who else's would they be?"

"Hmm...I suppose. Although I could have sworn you were wearing lace panties. Ah, here they are." Harry saw Snape bend over and pick them up. He blushed, and was certain than Tonks did too.

"I wore them both," Tonks said, a little too quickly. Harry was sure that Snape would have quirked an eyebrow at this. "It gets very cold in Scotland. You probably didn't see me take them off because you were too busy kissing me."

"Yes, I suppose." There was a short silence. "They're awfully large though, wouldn't you agree? I should think they'd fall off you." Tonks giggled.

"Oh, you're too kind. But I'm not that thin. Now can you please stop handling my underwear and pass me the panties? It's a warm day today, so I think I can do without the boxers. Thank you. Now, will you please get dressed and allow me to do my womanly morning duties?"

"But it's my room! Go shave your legs somewhere else." Tonks threw something at him, and Harry couldn't help but snort with laughter. He clamped a hand to his mouth, but a little too late. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That noise! It sounded like...air moving quickly. It came from...down there. Stand back Nympadora, I think there is something under the bed." Damn! He had to go and mess it up! Harry's blood pounded in his ears as he waited for the inevitable. He could just see Snape's hair dangling down to the ground, when Tonks saved him.

"It was me," she mumbled. "I...passed gas," she said daintily. "Don't wrinkle your nose in distaste, you greasy bastard! You did it in your sleep! Now, here are your clothes. Get out! Go find some Gryffindors to harass! Out!" The door slammed shut.

"You can't kick me out of my own bloody room woman!" Came Snape's muffled voice from behind the oak door.

"I just did! Now sod off!" Harry could hear Snape stalk off after a few seconds in limbo, when Harry thought he might blast the door down. Harry heard the ruffling of clothing, and knew Tonks was getting dressed. It stopped, and the next thing Harry knew, he was being dragged out from under the bed by his feet. "Get dressed!" Tonks barked. Any hope that Tonks would grant him amnesty was fading quickly. During the time that Harry got dressed, Tonks had placed Parvati on the bed and revived her. She was still intoxicated from the night before. In a minute, Tonks was ready to question them.

"Now Harry, what did you do last night?"

"I went to Hogsmeade with Parvati. That's all I remember. The next thing I know, I'm here, with you." Tonks asked Parvati the same question.

"We went out drinking. We got a bottle of firewhisky and drank it. That's when you found us in the astronomy tower," Parvati said with her head bowed.

"Right, but that was still early. What I want to know, is how you both wound up in this room. Do either of you remember?" Harry and Parvati exchanged glances, then shook their heads in unison. Tonks frowned.

"I don't believe that. One or both of you is lying to me. I don't deserve to be lied to. I could easily get the headmaster involved, but I'm giving both of the chance to keep this between us, and you're throwing back in my face." Needless to say, they both felt guilty, especially Parvati, because she really did remember what happened.

"Well...after you caught us, we went back to Gryffindor tower. We talked for a few hours about getting caught, and then..." Tonks motioned her to go on, but Harry broke in.

"Um...I'm not sure I want to know, but what were we caught doing?"

"That's going too far Harry!" said Parvati, a look of hurt etching her guilty features. Harry gave her a frustrated look.

"I told you, I can't remember!" Parvati's gaze bore into him.

"You really don't remember?" she questioned uncertainly, shaking her head in worry.

"No! I told you! It's a total black out! What were we doing?" Harry questioned. He looked at Parvati, who looked down, then at Tonks, who looked away. "Oh." Harry swallowed dryly.

"So, what happened then?" pressed Tonks. Parvati looked at Harry with sad eyes and continued.

"Well...we were angry about our night being ruined, so we decided to sneak into the kitchens and steal some scotch from the stores. We drank the whole bottle between us. I had more than Harry did. I vaguely remember saying I was going to pass out. Harry was too drunk to carry me upstairs. That's all I remember. I guess Harry must have found this place and figured it was ok to pass out. He probably didn't ever realise you were here." Tonks looked at the both of them with suspicion.

"That still doesn't explain why Harry doesn't remember. He smells clean, but your breath still reeks of booze." Parvati looked down shamefully. Harry coughed.

"I..uh...I think I may know why I don't remember." Tonks raised an eyebrow questioningly. Harry tried to hide his face bashfully behind his hands. "On September first, Fred and George Weasley gave me something from their joke shop they said they wanted me to test for them. It's a...uhh...mood enchanting drug. They believed I needed help getting over the death of Sirius. And other stuff. Anyway, I believe that when I mixed it with alcohol..."

"It gave you amnesia," Tonks finished for him. Harry looked surprised. "Yes, I know that product. It went on the shelves in August." Harry gaped at her. "I believe they call them "Charming Charlies". They claim that taking them regularly will make you able "to woo the girls (or guys) like Harry Potter". It seems to me that you're the victim of a sinister marketing campaign. They knew that if you took the drugs and became a hit with the ladies, word would spread and the product would sell." Harry looked on in betrayal.

"Those sneaky bastards!" Harry whispered. "They played me! They never needed me to test the product!" Tonks looked at him sympathetically.

"Seems that way. They even know about the amnesia effects. It comes with a warning and everything." Harry absorbed the information numbly, feeling betrayed. Not that he had ever trusted the twins terribly to begin with though. He turned to Tonks.

"Tonks, I'm so sorry. You too Parvati. I've been living a lie since the year began. Taking those pills made me somebody I'm not. I know I wouldn't normally have gone on a drinking binge. They're to blame for all this. I'll never do it again." Tonks looked at Harry sternly, before her tough façade melted into her normal cheery smile.

"Don't say that Harry! Going on drinking binges is what makes Hogwarts fun!" Harry's eyes bugged out. Parvati was too stunned to speak. "Of course, I didn't tell you that as advice. I told you that as my own recollection of my times here. Like this one time in fourth year when I went out drinking wif some mates, I must've drunk about a half litre 'o rum. Anyway, I woke up in some bloke's bed. We'd obviously gotten it on, only when I got to the mirror, I discovered that I had morphed into the form of a man! The first thing he said to me when he woke up was 'Aw'right mate?'" Tonks burst out laughing and didn't stop for several seconds.

Harry grinned despite himself. "Tonks, you wouldn't happen to be trying to cheer me up, would you? Because if I were you, I'd be punishing me." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on Harry. It wasn't your fault. Those bloody twins played you. Besides, I'm going to have to tell the headmaster, and I know from experience that the biggest punishment of all is when he's disappointed in you." Harry's heart sank. Of course she'd have to tell Dumbledore. It would be irresponsible not to. "Although, if I know him, he won't be disappointed at all. In fact, I'd say he'll be downright elated. He loves hearing embarrassing stories, especially when they involve rule breaking!"

"You're not serious?"

"I am. Now, I forgive you for invading my privacy. I promise I won't tell Serverus. Just one thing Harry," she warned, looking Harry dead in the eye. "If you tell anybody what I look like naked, I'll return the favour." Harry went crimson and had to cough the hide his embarrassment. "Now bugger off. I'm sure Serverus will be angry if you miss his ten o'clock detention."

Harry nodded, feeling his heart sink when he found out he had to spend his morning with Snape, and scurried out of the room as fast as he could, grateful to be away from Tonks' gaze, despite how understanding she was. He didn't think he'd ever forget what her breasts looked like.

"What the hell was all that about?" demanded Parvati as she walked along side him. "Seeing her naked? Invading her privacy? I wake up in a teachers room, with professor Tonks standing over me, and then she accuses you of all that? And you've been taking Charming Charlies the whole time you've been with me?" Harry sighed and stopped. He explained how they got there, and why Tonks was there (he left out the part about Snape being in the bed too), to Parvati's horror. "Holy shit Harry...that's messed up. But I don't care about that. Not really...what I want to know is why you were taking those pills!"

Harry fidgeted where he stood. He was really starting to notice the affects of pills. He had gotten so used to them that talking smoothly and being cool seemed to come naturally. Now that they were gone, he felt like he was getting stupider. "Look, Parvati...remember when we first kissed? The way I kinda freaked out?" Parvati nodded, already suspecting the answer. "Well, that's the way I normally am. When I came to you in the dorms, I'd just taken my first dose. I was amazed at how smooth I was. I said all those things without even thinking about them. If it weren't for the pills...I wouldn't be going out with you right now. When you asked me to kiss you...I dunno...I think I'd've stammered some stupid line or something."

"So what are you saying?" she asked slowly. Harry sighed uncomfortably and scratched the back of his head.

"What I'm saying is...that, well, I don't think you'll like me for who I really am. I mean, you were kinda just a fan before...you know. So what I mean is, we should stop seeing each other." Parvati looked at her shoes for ages. Harry began to wonder if she was crying. Harry almost jumped when she abruptly spoke.

"Okay. If that's how you feel then there's nothing I can do about that. We're still friends, right?" As Harry looked into her big brown eyes, he instinctively knew then and there that they'd never speak to each other again. Parvati knew the same thing. Still, Harry smiled brightly.

"Yeah, of course we'll still be friends! So, I'll see you around?" Parvati smiled.

"Yeah. See you." She gave him a big hug, and turned away, walking with her head held high. Harry felt that a new chapter in his life was just beginning. He'd just had his first relationship that didn't end (or begin, for that matter) in disaster. And he'd lost his virginity.

"If only I could remember it...I saw Tonks naked! She saw me naked! We saw each other, naked! AHH!! I saw Snape naked and vice-versa!!!"

* * *

Ron and Hermione were alone in the Gryffindor common room. It was early Sunday morning, so nobody else was awake yet. They were sprawled out on a sofa, and had spent the whole night there waiting for Harry and Parvati to come back. 

"I'm going to go report this to the headmaster!" threatened Hermione sleepily, having just woken up. "I can't believe we fell asleep! This isn't like Harry to stay away all night..."

"Yeah. I was just thinking that," commented Ron as he sat up beside her. Although Harry isn't the only one acting weird... thought Ron grudgingly, glaring at Hermione out of the side of his eye. He really didn't like the way she'd been acting lately. Whenever he worked up the nerve to bring it up, she just changed the subject. If she thought he was being too persistent, she'd just kiss him, one thing would lead to another, and before Ron knew it, he didn't care. Well not this time! Ron thought. He'd had enough. This time, he really was going to get to the bottom of it.

"Hermione," he began nervously. He was also dead tired, so he hoped that his brain was too foggy to fully grasp the small details, and focus only on the bigger picture. "We've been spending a lot of time together lately..." he trailed off.

"Oh. I didn't notice. I guess time flies when we're with each other." Ron looked up at the ceiling, wishing there were an easy way to do this.

"Not for me it doesn't." A look of worry crossed Hermione's features. She turned her body so that she was facing him.

"You don't like what we do together?" she asked timidly.

"It's not that. It's just that...It's feels so...so...Look, ever since the carriage exploded, I've felt differently for you..." Ron said, hoping that Hermione would catch on. "But I don't think you feel for me. You only do stuff with me because you feel sorry for me...anyway, my point is, I don't want to anymore."

"What?" Hermione asked with tears starting to form. Ron frowned and crossed his arms.

"I think you heard me."

"But...why? Don't you like what we do?" she asked shakily. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was so sure that Ron would be there for her if she did stuff with him. Ron sighed.

"I do. I mean, who wouldn't?" he chuckled lightly. He became serious again. "But...you've been acting differently. So has Harry. I feel like you're both drifting away from me. Even though we're intimate, it doesn't do anything for me. I don't want you just for your body. I think I love you...and if you don't love me back, then I want you to leave me be." Ron dared to glance into Hermione's eyes. He quickly looked away, not being able to stand her tears, which streamed down her cheeks.

"Do you really love me like that?" she asked, barely above a whisper. Ron nodded.

"The old you...not this new, sexually promiscuous you. Did you know that you haven't studied since term began? What happened to you?" Hermione felt a bubble of joy rise in her chest. It seemed surreal. This was exactly what she wanted, and it was being handed to her on a silver platter. It had been destroying her inside that Ron would only touch her if he thought she was a sultry lesbian. Now she finds out that he preferred her when she wasn't?

"Ron, I have a confession to make. I'm...uh, this is so embarrassing...Ron, I'm straight." At Ron's look of confusion, she elaborated. "On platform nine and three quarters, Fred and George asked me to try out these new products they had made...they make people more confident, increase self-esteem and the like...I took them, because I was far too shy to do anything. Ron, I've loved you for ages, but since you never seemed to feel the same way, I was afraid you'd reject me. So I decided that even if you didn't love me, you'd still love doing stuff with me, and maybe then...you'd fall in love with me. I know it was so selfish and...wrong and...and...Slytherin of me, but I was so afraid..." she trailed off, not having the confidence to go on. She just stared brokenly at Ron, waiting or him to react. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking.

"You too, huh?" he said taciturnly. There was a moment of still serenity, which quickly became a torrent of passionate, love-filled kissing and moaning. Ron and Hermione kissed fiercely, crushing their mouths together, the hot desire they felt for each other building to a dramatic climax, hands wandering and clothes being ripped off with a desperate fervour.

"Hey guys," came the wary voice of Harry, as he wandered into the room. Ron and Hermione launched themselves apart with even more speed and force than they had come together with. They slammed painfully into opposite arms of the couch, causing it to shake. Hermione quickly tried to button up her shirt, only to find that Ron had ripped off the top four buttons, while Ron attempted to redo his belt, and zip up his fly at the same time. Harry, seemingly completely oblivious to the situation he had interrupted, sat down between them and sighed, rolling his head to face Ron and Hermione in succession.

"You guys could not imagine the night I just had...Hermione, why is your bra unclasped?" Harry asked innocently enough. Hermione flushed, having not even realised, and tried to redo it. Her broken shirt fell open when she took her hands away, giving Ron, and Harry in particular, a generous view of her breasts, which had become free due to her loose brassiere. Grins developed on both their faces. Unfortunately for them, Parvati choose that exact moment to return to Gryffindor tower. Her jaw dropped when she saw Harry and Ron ogling Hermione as she (apparently) bared her chest, and Ron fiddling with his zipper. Hermione spotted Parvati just as she'd finished fixing her bra, and her hands immediately went around to hold her shirt closed.

"Parvati!" Ron's head snapped to Parvati, while Harry's turned slowly. Ron threw his askew jumper over his crotch to hide his unready state.

"Well well Harry...I guess Tonks and I weren't enough for you, eh? Had to go see Hermione naked too?" she quizzed coolly with a raised eyebrow. With that she walked off, going to her room. Ron and Hermione both gaped at Harry, who could hardly believe his rotten luck. He started laughing.

"Like I said guys, you would not believe the night I just had!

* * *

A/N: (July 2007, two days before the final book was released) This was posted in 2004, some time before HBP came out. Despite my age at the time, I regard this as my best fic. I've revised the whole fic, added parts in and trimmed others out. Also minor spelling and grammar changes. Overall it's the same, but it is subtler than before as any re-readers may have noticed. At the time I finished chapter 6 in 2004 the fic was finished (though that hadn't been my original intention). The reason I revised it is because in the coming weeks I might restart it. If not, it'll probaby never get done. If you have any ideas or thoughts, let me know. Hope you enjoyed! 


End file.
